


Sarah Smiles

by Beebo_Stump



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Baby sharing, Daddy Urie, Folie à Deux (Fall Out Boy), M/M, More tags will come later on in the story, Papa Stump, Pretty. Odd, Set around those times, Set in LA, Small Smut, Soul Punk Era Patrick Stump, accidental baby, baby adoption, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:32:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beebo_Stump/pseuds/Beebo_Stump
Summary: For three years they made their relationship work even when it was disapproved on. For three years everything was fine until it wasn’t.Brendon loves Patrick with all his heart but he loves his daughter Sarah even more and so does Patrick. The couple who are on opposite sides of the spectrum must come together to give their daughter the best life she could ever have.





	1. I was fine, just a guy living on my own

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something I been playing with for a while. I got the inspiration from the parenthood au by halfsweet.

It was a Thursday morning when Patrick was woken by a loud knock on his apartment door. Not wanting to get up from his comfortable position he turns towards his boyfriend of three years and began shaking him. 

"Brendon" he mumbled while still shaking the snoring figure.

"Door" was all Patrick said before turning over with his back facing the other.

Groaning, the bed creaked from the loss of pressure it once had. Brendon ran his hands over his face and blindly followed the knocking noise into the living room towards the door. Still drowsy from sleep, he opened the door coming face to face with a lady dressed in tight denim skinny jeans, a loose white v-neck t-shirt, and converse. Her piercing blue sapphire eyes met his honey brown ones. Don't get Brendon wrong if he wasn't in a faithful committed relationship he would have totally asked for her number but the baby attached to her hip stirred him away. 

"Morning sir, are you by chance Mr.Urie?" she asked looking up at him with hopeful eyes. She couldn't be any taller than 5'5 and with him being 5'9 the height difference was totally noticeable. A small stifled yawn was sounded signaling the woman that the small infant was now awakening. She looked down at baby with soft admiring eyes with a sad smile sprawled on her face. The little one's eyes slowly begun to open and at that moment his heart skipped a beat. He knew those eyes.

"Hi my name is Jenna Black and I work for child services. You are the brother of Kara Urie, correct?" she asked looking down at some official papers that she was holding with her spare hand. Hearing the sound of his sister's name a lump formed in the back of his throat. It hasn't even been a week since her funeral and Brendon has yet to deny the fact that his older sister had taken her life. Every reminder he thinks sees, or hears cause his grief for her to deepens because if only he had done something she would still be here. 

" What does child services have to do with me and my deceased sister?" again with the sad smile she gently motioned for Brendon to take the toddler from her hip, which he obliged and she went into one of the numerous bags she was carrying to pull out an envelope. Giving the white sleek paper to him she gladly took the child back into her long slim arms. With curious eyes, he flipped the envelope on its back to see his sister's messy handwriting. Not wasting any time he ripped the letter open to see more his sister calligraphy. 

_"Dear baby brother,_

_I hope you won't be mad at me for what I'm about to do. By the time you receive this, I'll be long gone with the impossible chance of ever returning. My purpose for writing this is so that you know what was going on in my head before I do this unreversible action. The last two years of my life were the most memorable ones I can account for. I got an engaged, mom and dad finally stopped fighting and hell my baby brother was happy. Not only were you happy but you were in love and so was I. Whenever you and Patrick would come around, you had the worlds biggest smile permanently spread across your face that not even I couldn't be jealous because I was the same way._

_Jeff to me is what is Patrick to you, your soulmate. He's the air in my lungs and the breeze in my face.  He was the sun to my universe but that all changed when the most memorable thing happened in the time frame, he died. Without him being the air in my lungs I struggled day to day without him suffocating. I shut down because I lost everything and by everything that included my will to live. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion and the colors surrounding me drained to black and white even the sun. Losing Jeff was the worst thing that ever happened to me and it didn't help that I was thirteen weeks pregnant._

  _We wanted to surprise everyone at the next family dinner but he didn't live to make it. It kills me that I wasn't there at my own fiance's funeral because believe me I wanted to go more than anything in the world just to see him one more time but no one could see me or the small bump growing inside me. I wanted to protect her as best as I could. I even made plans to be the best mother I possibly could be but nothing in life goes the way you wants it too, right? If I wasn't hungry in the middle of the night maybe Jeff wouldn't have fallen asleep behind the wheel. If I wasn't pregnant maybe I'll still be alive and so would he, but I killed him. I'm a murderer Brendon. I can't look at her and see what could have been because the thought of a mini him walking around the house terrifies me. I know you don't plan on having kids in the near future but what about now? You and Patrick would make great parents... better than what I'll ever amount to be. I'm sorry for denying all your calls after his death but at that time I did start to become jealous of you because you were still happy. Still had the worlds biggest smile on your face and I wanted nothing more than to be far from it and I will admit I'll miss it. but I miss Jeff more._

_Just do this one thing for me B. Please look after Sarah, I promise you she's not too much trouble. Just feed her, bathe her, and give her what I cant; love. Very few people know about her and I wish for it to stay that way but with your lifestyle, I'll doubt that remains. But just please don't tell mom because I give Sarah to you for a reason and not her. So for the last time, I'll ever say this I love you, Brendon. I wish you could hear me say this verbally but it's better this way. Thank you for everything. Again, sorry it had to end like this._

                                                                                     _\- Kara xo "_

Tears ran down Brendon's face as he reread the letter numerous times before realization hit him. She was giving him her child and that child was right here in front of him with big caramel colored eyes, small brunette curls on top of her head, small chubby cheeks, and with the cherry on top of everything she also has the Urie signature forehead. 

Choking out a cry he asked can he hold her founding a new adoration for the small creature. Pulling her in tight into his chest he released all the tears that he been holding back cause right in his arms is the last breathing piece he has of his sister. Also being embraced in the hug, Sarah used her small tiny nails to dig into his flesh for a tighter grip that tells she will refuse to let go. 

The resident's of the apartment complex starts to peek their heads out their doors to see what all the commotion going on outside in the hallways. Believing that this is a private matter and should continue being private, Jenna gently nudge Brendon into his own apartment away from prying questioning eyes. 

"How old is she" he whispered feeling the pressure of her nails slightly causing him some pain due to not wearing a shirt but the overall love he now has for her overrules it. In the back of his mind, he can already see him and her going out to the park every weekend to play, going out to see the latest Disney movie, and more excitedly being able to look over while performing to not only see Patrick on the sidelines but to see him also holding his _daughter_. That thought causes a big smile to come across his lips. He's a daddy now. A father to a beautiful tiny human being that he can call his daughter even though she is biologically his niece but he likes the other way around because he is now responsible for keeping her alive, which he should be scared of. 

"She'll be eight months in a couple of days. To be honest with you Brendon, may I call you that?" she asked moving her blonde hair from her sparkling eyes. He couldn't see from the harsh lighting in the hallway that she has a tiny trail of freckles the lay across her nose and honestly if he wasn't in a relationship he would totally try to score a date with her. Nodding his head he takes a seat on one side of the couch with her taking the spot on the other. Him on the left with a perfect view of her and of the front door, with Jenna sitting on the right side with an astounding view of his luxurious apartment. 

"I don't really work with child services. I use to be Kara's roommate back while we were in college. She reached out to me several months before she um... you know. She wanted me to watch over Sarah until after the funeral to give you some breathing time and until things settle down. Kara was my best friend and with her not being here anymore I just... I can't believe she trusted me enough despite not seeing each other in what must have been seven or eight years to look after her daughter for practically five months. She would always talk so highly of you that I wished I could meet you, like the real you and not the mega superstar you. I guess you can say that's why I came because one, you can't send a baby through the mail and two, I wanted to meet my god daughter's um _father_   or _uncle_? ", she concluded biting her lip with a nervous look on her face. All she could think was _please don't be mad at me, please don't call the cops_. 

" You didn't have to pretend who you were just to come to bring me Sarah. I already knew who you was, took me some time to figure it out but it's okay and I haven't figure out what I wanted to call myself yet maybe just Brendon? In case in the future when she gets older she starts to question stuff" he shrugged cradling the small infant in his huge arms. They both stared at each other with wide-open eyes taking in the moment before them.  A short but tall figure caught Jenna's eye that moved behind in the background but later disappeared back into the room it peaked its head from. 

Jenna didn't stay long, maybe talked to Brendon for another good thirty minutes before telling him she should start heading back home to Nevada before nightfall, Brendon being as understanding knowing its nearly a nine and a half hour drive gave her some items to keep busy on the road. Escorting her out the door he watches her down the hall to the elevator shift and watches her blonde hair disappear. Before she left she gave everything she brought with her that belongs to Sarah to him. Like clothes, pacifiers, diapers, and all that jazz. Also, he was a little giddy that he did get her number but only if he ever wants to talk, in a friendly manner and to keep her posted on any updates with Sarah. 

Back into his apartment stood Patrick leaning on the wall looking down at all the bags that littered their joint apartment floor. 

"So do you want to explain why there is a baby in your arms and things all over the room or will I have to just assume you kidnapped that poor child and robbed a Babies R Us while I was sleep?" he questioned raising a single eyebrow that reached to where his bed hair falls at. Walking over to take a seat on the couch, Brendon follows him. Not saying anything he hands Patrick the same white envelope from earlier and nods for him to read it. While he does that, Brendon goes through some of Sarah's bags in hopes of finding something for her to eat because given that it's seven thirty in the morning it's probably time for her breakfast and it's too early in the morning to deal with a crying baby. Gently placing her on the couch he jogs into the kitchen to see if they have any food that is safe to give to a baby her age. Can she eat Mac'n cheese? 

"Hey, Pat can babies eat macaroni?" he yelled looking at the box for any toddler warnings. Not hearing back a response he decides to ask google his question since his beloved boyfriend decided to become deaf and not answer him. 

 

After safely cooking the macaroni without burning down the apartment and carefully feeding Sarah, Patrick and Brendon were currently in the bed with Sarah in between the two watching the cartoon in front of her while the two men were online shopping. 

" Brendon, you do know there are other colors for baby girls besides pink right? Maybe try yellow? " Patrick suggested glancing over at his partner's laptop. He was in charge of picking her out clothes knowing that will keep him occupied while him, Patrick was in charge of picking out her crib, stroller, and other necessities that he won't allow Brendon to do. Hell, not even Patrick knew what to do. He had his laptop on a split screen with one tab on some baby shopping website and the other tab on Pinterest looking at some baby checklist. Who knew babies were so expensive? 

It's a good thing we both have steady jobs. 

 


	2. Waiting for the sky to fall

After weeks of dodging meetings and interview to re-decorate, the apartments with all the things bought online, it is safe to say that Sarah Elisa Urie has officially moved into the apartment. 

It would be a lie to say that having Sarah in my life has been nothing but easy. I would've thought to be a parent was easy. Change the baby diaper, feed the baby, clean the baby and repeat but nothing was as easy as it seemed. She screamed if something took so long, she cries when she wanted attention, she bites when she's angry, she just does everything that I can't help but think about my life before any of this was even happening.  It was especially hard whenever we would run out of baby formula and have to pay off either Tyler, Hayley or Pete to go get some since they have to deal with her crying. It got to the point that Patrick and I risked getting caught in public with her and took her to a doctors office to get her checked out. The verdict was that she's starting to teeth which explains the countless biting and also that she had eczema so we should start putting mittens on her. But that was two weeks ago and now everything seems to be going fine. Management hasn't tried to contact us, Tyler and Josh came over to watch over Sarah while Patrick and I sort over our schedule when touring is right around the corner.

Now we're just relaxing with nothing on our to-do list which is a first, might I add. 

"I'm bored," I whined from the couch I was currently laying on. Patrick was down on the ground playing with Sarah toys in an attempt to teach her farm animals.

" We can go out to the movies or something," he shrugged going back to making noises like a cow which brings so much joy to him seeing Sarah laugh.

Not wanting to leave the comfort of my home I grabbed the remote and switch the cable over to Netflix. Just about every show/movie Patrick and I watch always involves murder, sex, or drugs; in simple words things that are _WAY_ too inappropriate for a baby. Feeling nostalgic I transferred over to the kids Netflix going to the Disney selection. Taking my time looking at each option I end with two choices. Mulan or the Lion King. Deep in thought for a good solid five minutes, I decided on Mulan cause A: The Lion King is a little bit overrated, plus she's too young to fully grasp its concept. B; Mulan is arguably the most badass Disney princess there is, and lastly C; Patrick said if he has to go through watching the Lion King one more time he'll cut my hair off in my sleep.

Within the first thirty minutes, Sarah's attention was fully captured and focused on the film in front of her.

It was especially cute when some scenes come on where the horses come into view and make any sort of noise she will do this adorable little giggle and clap her hands that it is impossible not to smile down at her. Whenever Shan Yu would appear on the screen she would cover her eyes with her hands babbling some nonsense.

"What's that smell ?" Patrick asked frowning. Checking Sarah's diaper I see that its clean. Getting up from my spot on the couch I circle my way around the apartment trying to find the source where it's coming from. The scent is all over but the strongest is over by the entry door. Opening it, the hallway is low with smoke that is flowing underneath each door that it passes and raising up into the air. 

Not thinking about the consequences I run down the hallway around the long corridor towards where I know a fire extinguisher should be and pulled the fire alarm by it. Being to run back to my apartment many of the residents are stepping out their doors to look at whats going on.

"Patrick," I yell once I got back to the room. The movie is long forgotten and where I left them both they're not there anymore. Checking every room there is he and Sarah is nowhere to be found. The inside of my throat started to seize due to it searching for any air. Doing my best not to freak out and keep my hyperventilating under control,  pacing around the room I  managed to grab both our wallets, phones, keys, Sarah diaper bag and two bottles of water before running out of the building along with everyone else.

Stepping out into the open air my lungs were desperate for the clean oxygen and the lack of carbon dioxide. The mixture of the alarm and the sirens from the truck made my head begin to pound. _I need to find Sarah and Patrick._

"Patrick" I yell out pushing my way through the crowd. A sound of a baby crying caught my ear halfway in the middle. Pushing people harder and faster, I follow the sound into the distance. Before reaching the sound everything was starting to blur around the edges and all noises were combining into one.

" Patrick" I yelled out again my voice breaking a little from breathing in so much smoke.

Trying my hardest to remember which direction I heard the crying from I continued to go towards it. Confusing my left from my right feet, I lose my footing and collapse down on the ground coughing and hacking.

" We need a paramedics over here" a strange voice shout from above me.

"Brendon, I need you to listen to me. Straighten out your back and try to take a deep breath"

"Patr-" another wave of coughing goes through me. I feel the urge to throw up.

"Brendon deep breaths in, deep breaths out"

" Sir what happened," another voice said.

"I saw him running out the fire and he collapsed on the ground. He was trying to talk but he keeps coughing. I think he was looking for someone."

" I need to find my daughter and Patrick" I managed to croak out no matter how bad it had hurt my throat.

I felt my body being lifted up and onto a semi-comfortable mattress. A mask was placed on my face making the oxygen even more crisp to breathe.

" BRENDON!!"

Trying to raise my head it felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds. My eyes begin to drop and I was submerged into darkness. The last thing I saw was the orange glow in the distance.

Patrick P.O.V.

Where is he? I just remember seeing him run out the front door and next thing I know I hear the fire alarms going off. Sarah had crawled in my arms crying and I was worried where Brendon had run off too. The air was quickly starting to thicken with smoke. Securing Sarah in my arms I ran out the door along with everyone else out the complex forgetting my phone, keys, and wallet. Coughing slightly I managed to find a large palm tree at a safe distance from the apartment where Brendon can easily stumble upon us.

The fire looked as if it started on our floor, the seventh, and seemed to be spreading throughout the whole building. People were running around and screaming only causing Sarah to cry even more.

"Shhhh, it's okay baby, we're okay daddy is gonna come soon," I said rocking and patting her back.

I see paramedics rushing into the crowd with a stretcher yelling everyone to stand back. Panic started to fill me because everyone in the apartment all works with the same label as Brendon and if someone is hurt then this is going to be very bad. Curiously I wander over to the forming circle just to see if I know the person and if they're okay. I just hope they're okay. Whoever started the fire probably feels guilty as it is and when news gets around that an artist got injured during it must take a toll on them.  

"Brendon I need you to straighten out your back and take a deep breath" I can hear from the distance. My heart seemed to have stopped. It's Brendon. Picking up my pace I push my way through the crowd not caring if I hurt someone.

"BRENDON!" I yell when they place him on the stretcher. The paramedics pushed me back to give them room to roll him into the awaiting ambulance.

"Stop, I have his daughter!! You have to let me through. He needs to know we're okay! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" I yelled struggling to push through with Sarah on my hip and with the medics pushing me the other.

"I'm sorry but we can't let you inside due to his health. If you want to know where we are taking him its the Ronald Regan UCLA Medical Center, Sir." Not sparing her another look, I ran over to the parking lot looking for Brendon's car. He always forgets to lock his doors and I'm praying he still has his spare key in the middle department. No matter how many times I yell and curse at him to put the key in a proper place inside the apartment in case he was to lock himself out the car, I hope for a change he ignored what I had to say. Finding his car, which was as expected unlocked. I had my fingers crossed when I open the middle department and my heart leaped with joy.

Putting Sarah in her car seat, I sped to the hospital breaking every speed limit there was.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its a pretty short chapter but I plan on making them longer in the future


	3. Then you called and changed it all, doll

Patrick P.O.V.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion like in one of those dramatic moments in Greys Anatomy. Nurses and doctors running everywhere speaking in a foreign language, the waiting room was filled with injured soon to be patients and I'm pretty sure the lady next to me is slowly bleeding to death. The car ride here had put Sarah to sleep as we found out a couple weeks ago that she finds that pleasurable and goes down without a fuss.

I've been at the hospital for going on thirty minutes and there's no update on how is Brendon or if he's even alive. I'm not one to be religious but I hope to God he is alive. I need him to be alive. Our story can't end like this. With him being dead and me left to take care of his sister's child... I just can't. Each second that goes by without hearing from him my heart would sluggishly stop beating.

Throughout this whole ordeal I don't even know should I call his parents or management. If I were to call his mother she would immediately blame me for anything and everything that is wrong with Brendon. Its been that way ever since we begun dating three years ago and she made it her personal mission to get rid of me. It took every little thing in Brendon for him to come out to his parents and bring me home to meet them. So needless to say, they disapprove of us being together due to their faith and wants nothing more than to have me out his life. Now with calling management, they should already know about the complex being set on fire but Brendon is set to start touring in less than two weeks and with him being the lead singer and also in a patient in a hospital would raise many red flags but knowing how FBR is they would probably have him perform on stage in a hospital bed and use the fire to exploit the company and band even more.  Either way, it's a lose-lose situation that I'm caught in the middle of.

Being lost in my dilemma, mummers and whispers bring me back to reality that is the cold dull hospital room.  There were much more people in the waiting area than before that I wonder how long have I been lost inside my own head? Pulling Sarah's carrier seat between my legs I start to get impatient and a little self-conscious.

" Are you from that boy band Fall Out something?" A young but firm voiced asked. The young girl in front of me couldn't be any younger than ten years old. She had long umber hair that goes down to her mid-section with a curvy part near the center of her head, big black almond-shaped eyes, full bushy eyebrows with a small button nose. The gap in between her teeth showed when she gave me a gentle smile. For some odd reason, her presence gives me an off-putting vibe.

" Umm, yes?" I responded in more than a question than an answer. Sucking my bottom lip into my mouth I began biting it in hopes that she won't bother me with any more questions and just leave me anyone in the horrible hot mess that I'm in.

"Is that your daughter?" She asked pointing down to Sarah who was sleeping so peacefully as if nothing had happened two hours ago.

Not knowing what to say I politely excused myself with Sarah in hand and not so politely ran over to the front desk almost tripping over my feet.

"Ma'am I have been waiting for nearly an hour for an update on my boyfriend and I'm starting to become very impatient," I spoke tapping my fingers along her desk as I became hyper-aware of the now crowding room. Popping her mint green gum she took a long look at me squinting her eyes.

"Are you some sort of celebrity or something?" She asked now loudly chewing on her gum. 

_Something isn't right..._

Smiling I slowly turn from the desk and began to make my way over to the elevators pressing up.

"Sir you don't have permission to go up there," she yelled from her spot that was about twenty steps away from me. Ignoring her I stood as still as I could thinking that if I don't move maybe she won't see me. Perhaps I'm just a fragment of her imagination?

"Sir!" she continued yelling.

Down goes the elevators; _seven, six, pause, five, four..._

" Yes, I need security down in the lobby. We have some guy in here causing a disruption. I think he might be a fan of the patient in room 819. Th-"

Room 819 that's where Brendon is.

The number above finally hit down to one and as soon as the doors were let open I rushed inside and repeatedly pushed the close door button after choosing the eighth floor. In the distance, the sound of heavy footsteps alerts me to not only reach Brendon faster but to make these fudging doors close faster!

Crossing my fingers that the guards don't reach the door I mentally think of all the things I'm going to say to Brendon when I see him again.  
  
  


Brendon P.O.V.

Just cause I stayed inside a burning building while it was being evacuated everyone wanna cause a big commotion.

 _Brendon how could you have been so dumb_ or _Brendon you could've died!!_

Its just blah blah and even more blah. I've been on an oxygen tank for I don't know how long but everyone is so focused on how I could've died and not on the fact that I saved everyone in the whole complex by pulling the alarm is crazy to me.

Patrick came in not too long ago but when he did he been dancing across the room ever since.  One minute he was crying the next he's yelling at me and never in my life have I wished to be far, far away from him at this moment.

" But nooo you had to go play hero and pull that damn alarm. YOU HAD ME WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU!" He yelled startling Sarah from her sleep crying. Groaning at the new addition to the noise I yell into my spare pillow out of frustration. Taking her into my arms I rocked her back and forth to hush her.

"Can you please for the love of God just stop yelling at me!! Okay I get it I fucked up but if it wasn't for me how many deaths you think would there be, huh!? I'm not saying I'm a hero so stop applying that I am. So what if I pulled the alarm! Was I suppose to be selfish and save only us or save hundreds of people Patrick!!"

That shut him up. He walked over to my bed and kneeled down beside me, pulled the mask off my face and kissed my chapped lips.

" I thought I lost you. Just.. please never do anything like that again, okay? I can't lose you, we can't lose you" He whispered laying his forehead against mines and gently gesturing to the toddler who is squished between us. Inhaling deeply I look into his soft angelic mysterious eyes. No matter how many times I look into them they are always a different color shade, but over the years we been together what I learned is that when Patrick feels passionate about something or someone, his eyes are a medium hue blue with a tiny yellow ring around the pupil. It is the most beautiful sight in this whole world, trust me I would know. I wake up every morning looking into them like I am now.

"I promise, never again will I do something like that." Smiling, Patrick hushes Sarah cries with a sudden distraught look on his face.

" Where are we gonna stay now? All our stuff was obviously destroyed"

" I managed to grab some of our stuff and Sarah's diaper bag but we can stay with my mom until we find a suitable place." I shrugged. Nothing ever happens at my mom's house she'll be thrilled to see Pat and me. 

" How about instead we go to Pete and Mikey's house? They love Sarah and wouldn't care to let us crash there for a while. Plus what good is it for you to travel to Nevada just to come back in two weeks. Did you forget about the tour?" Patrick asked.

" Don't worry about the tour. Mike came by earlier and said he'll delay it for another two weeks so I can get back to my original state. Come on Pat, I haven't seen my mom since the funeral. I think she would appreciate a visit from me, don't you think?"

Obviously unpleased with my answer, he joins me in the bed curling up on my side with a frown.

"Brendon your mother hates me. I can't go there, not again after what happened last time. We didn't talk to each other for a whole week because of a lie she made up. Please B, can we go somewhere else?" he pleaded looking up at me through those long eyelashes of his.

Kissing the top of his head I soak in the peaceful tranquility before the storm breaks loose tomorrow.

*

When morning came around I was able to leave with a prescription for an inhaler and pain medication for my chest. Before leaving I had to do a pulse oximetry and a blood test to see if my red blood cells are doing its job, which they are.

Now Patrick, Sarah, and I are on the highway to Las Vegas to do a surprise visit on my parents. I may or may not have told trick that we were going to Santa Clarita.

"You were supposed to keep straight why are you exiting here?" he asked taking his sunglasses off to look at the map better that was in his hands. He took a moment to look at his surroundings before he knew where we were truly going.

"Brendon Boyd Urie you will turn this car around right now! We are going to the Gentle Barn so our daughter can play with rehabilitated farm animals," he said matter-of-factly.

"Babe its only a four-hour drive. We'll probably stay for like an hour if not two. I'm thinking we can have lunch there instead of eating out. You know to save money," I reasoned. He sulked back into his seat mumbling words under his breath. Catching a glimpse of what he's saying I lightly turn up the music but not too loud to damage Sarah's ears but enough to distract me to think about what he said.

_How are you going to explain that you now have a kid?_

How was I suppose to tell my mother that I have a kid now? My sister's kid... Her recently late daughter's kid.

Biting my lip I continue thinking about good conversation starters to ease onto the topic.  
  
  


"Hey, ma!" I yelled excitedly. The look on her face was nothing but pure love and joy. She smiled as if she had won a billion dollars and not one of her five kids. Being in her embraced again brings waves of unknown clarity that I very much needed. Having the ability to breathe and think clearly just by being in my mother arms send tears to leak from my eyes.

" Brendon baby I've missed you so much. Come in, come." She waved grabbing me by the forearm to lead me into the childhood home I grew up in. Completely ignoring Patrick she asked how I was doing and if I wanted anything to drink or eat.

Telling her no we're good and that we ate on the road her attention shifted down to the baby carrier in Patrick's hand.

" Oh my! Brendon you didn't tell me that Martin had gotten married. Is the wife with you? I'll love to meet her," she smiled leaning down to touch one of Sarah's toes.

Martin, well Patrick and I both shared a look of nervousness on my end and annoyance on his.

" Mrs. Urie I'm not married. Brendon and I are very much still together," he informed in taking in too much pleasure from her now souring face.

" Then whose baby do you have? Did you convince my son to steal a child?! You are no good for him. Ther-"

" Mom calm down, please? I need you to take a seat so I can explain what's been going on for the past couple of months." I spoke softly to her to ease the negative energy out of the room.

Taking a seat next to me, she seats the furthest from Patrick shooting daggers at him.

" Do you remember Jenna mom? Kara's best friend from college?" I asked taking hold of my mother's hand not wanting to say my sister name around her so soon. Nodding her head I continued on.

" Well she um, came to visit me several months ago and does that baby look like anyone to you?"

Diverting her eyes away from me and towards the sleeping infant. The infant who shows nothing but a perfect reflection of her mother down to the way she attempts to roll her eyes.

Must have coming to recognization she loudly gasped and dropped off the couched onto the floor in a quick second. Careful she takes Sarah out of her carrier and hold her the best she can while crying.

" When did this happen?"

"After Jeff died. She wrote me a letter but I forgot it back home but SURPRISE!!  You're a grandma now," I said smiling looking down at the two women in my life whom I love so much that are finally being able to meet one another after being kept a secret for so long. Although Sarah was sleeping the whole time, I'm pretty sure this is a moment she will never forget. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter has a lot of grammar errors but I really wanted to have something posted before Friday. I'm going to try to update this story as much as I can without it interfering with my college work.


	4. Velvet lips and the eyes to pull me in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance

Patrick P.O.V

We have been staying here at Brendon's mom house for going on three days now and I've already reached my breaking point multiple times with her and with him. He said we were going to stay a maximum of two hours but as soon as we tried to leave his mother begged for us to stay and even used Sarah as an excuse to delay us.

" _Please, Brendon you can't go. Just stay for a day or two so your father and I can spend time with our granddaughter. Please!_ "

And Brendon being the sweet lovable person he is, he couldn't say no to her and abide with everything she said. Yet you would think she would at least be a little nicer to me because of the new addition to her life but no its been the complete opposite. Every little thing I do she has to comment on in a negative way or shake her head. She even purposely "forgot" about me during dinner time and didn't cook enough food which led Brendon to share his portion.

No matter how many times I told Brendon she doesn't like me, he just continued to be oblivious to everything. Ever since we begun dating three years ago she had no problem voicing her opinion about me. Even today with her side comments poking fun at my insecurities, I just can't be mad at her anymore, I'm mad that Brendon is too blind to see all of this happening right in front of his face!!

Now once again it's time for dinner, just to be alienated like always.

" Brendon babe you can eat, I'll feed Sarah," I said scooting my chair closer to her. Throughout our time being here, Sarah is the only thing that had been keeping me sane. To keep myself busy I came up with a small routine that purposely avoids any contact with Mrs. Urie when she's not busy with her.

" No, I have it. You haven't eaten all day you must be hungry," he said reaching for Sarah which she gladly held her arms out for. Letting him take her I look down at the plate that was placed before me on the table. Potatoes, broccoli, carrots, and grilled chicken. Although I really hate Mrs. Urie, she really is a lovely chef. Maybe if she wasn't so focused on breaking my relationship up with her son I would maybe even compliment her and ask for some cooking lessons but I'll just keep to myself like always.

Tonight is like every other night. Grace would talk about her day as if she leaves the house every morning and not just retell the plot of some soap opera she watches right at eleven o'clock , Boyd would come home from his poker game and take the empty seat next to me and would attempt to start a conversation but always quit midway, and Brendon would politely sit there and nod at every word someone says just completely ignoring me. But I've gotten used to it. Gotten use to receiving smaller portions than everyone else, being excluded from the family conversations, the photos that were taken, and so much more. The only person who hasn't ignored me is Sarah. She has been the only person who would actually listen to me but it's not like she has a choice cause she is a very much an inactive child. We've taken her to a pediatrician many times about it because we were worried something was wrong with her cause she should be crawling and even mumbling her first words but no matter how many walkers we buy or repeat " _dada_ " or my favorite " _moo moo_ " she would just lay on her stomach and stare at us while doing nothing. Her doctor told us that every child is different and not to worry that she'll do things at her own pace but Brendon and I thought otherwise. So whenever Grace is watching her programs, I take Sarah in her stroller and walk around the neighborhood ranting to her about the problems that I wish didn't exist because of this stupid visit. Because not only was this trip stupid but it was also unnecessary.

After eating our meals and cleaning the table it was time to sleep. Heading towards my room I feel a tug on my upper arm.

"  Come with me I wanna show you something," Brendon said in a whisper. Seeing that Grace and Boyd had taken Sarah upstairs to bathe her, I followed him outside and he led me into his backyard towards his old abandoned tree house. Reaching it we stepped into the makeshift area making the wood beneath us creak at the weight from our bodies after not being used for so many years. The interior of the place was decorated with white drapes, vanilla scented candles and if I'm not mistaken Frank Sinatra " _Here's to the Losers_ " is lightly playing in the background.  The first thing that came to my mind was " _This can't be real_ " but here I am. Here I am standing in the middle of a freaking tree house ten feet above the ground surrounded with sweet-smelling wax listening to one of my great inspirations with the love of my life in front of me. He holds up a finger as an indication for me to wait and I do exactly that as I watch him pull out two bottles of sparkling something.

" Don't laugh but I barely just turned twenty-one and don't know shit about alcohol so I got us sparkling Welch's instead," he said smiling dumbly while holding up two bottles that read Pina Colada and Strawberry Daiquiri. Returning back his smile I just laughed a light giggle and took four steps over to him to take hold of his cheek. No matter how many times we touch each other, I still get the feeling of butterflies in my stomach when our skin comes in contact. Gazing into his eyes I search for any hidden emotion and not seeing any, I pull him in for a kiss. I don't remember the last time we kissed but we should obviously practice more. Our lips moved together in sync like always but maybe because we're just both so happy to finally be together again that we keep smiling into the kiss making our teeth clink together but we carry on. With my hands in his hair and his around my waist pulling me even closer, I climb into his lap putting my chest right against his. The taste of mint from his chapstick made its journey into my mouth leaves me craving more of it.

Breaking the kiss for a quick second he takes both of our shirts off and then reconnects our lips back together. Knowing how I feel about the insecurities of my body, he moves his finger in a feather-like motion along my spine to heighten my senses and distract me from my own negative thoughts. With all the pleasure going on throughout my body I let out a small moan into his mouth and rolled my hips onto his. 

"You won't believe how much I've missed this," he said in between each kiss on my neck. Agreeing with him I reach down to undo both our pants and climb off his lap with our lips still together and lay my back down against the cold wood of the floor. Kicking off our boxers together, we gazed into one another faces for any indication one might want to stop but neither of us did. Bending down to kiss my lips, he pushed into me and for the first time in a long time, he made me whole. Our heavy breathing and Frank Sinatra was the only thing that mattered to me at the moment.

When morning came around the mess we made had surrounded us and but bought back loving memories of last night events. Nothing can kill my mood or the big smile that threatened to escape onto my lips. Stretching my arms above my head my bones pop from laying on the ground all night. Cautious not to wake the sleeping figure next to me, I scramble around the small room for my clothes to exit. Finding them all, I made my way out into the open of his backyard and went tiptoeing into the house. Seeing that it was Thursday morning and around ten thirty the house would usually be up and running but everything was still and needless to say it was abnormal. Ignoring it all, I went upstairs not noticing the dead empty rooms with clothes tossed everywhere. Entering the restroom, I turn on the shower head waiting for the water to heat and once again strip out my clothes.

Scrubbing my hair with shampoo, the curtains to the shower were ripped opened to reveal a crying Brendon.

" She's gone," he said. Looking at him confused I pulled the curtains back closed to cover my body wanting a little more privacy.

" She's gone" he repeated for the third time before collapsing to the ground in one great big mess. Not even rinsing the shampoo out my hair I quickly turn off the water and carefully step out the tub, I wrap a towel around my waist and lower myself next to him rubbing his jumping back.

"They took her Pat, they fucking took her and I don't know where she's at." With a worried look on my face, I run out the restroom into Brendon's old room and see that all of Sarah's stuff is missing. Going across the hall to his parent's room I search their closets and also noticed that their stuff is missing too.

Fuck, what are we going to do? Returning back to the restroom, Brendon is still on the floor where I left him crying. In an attempt to pick him up his whole body turns lifeless making him unbelievably heavy.

" The note. The note Kara left me she told me don't tell mom about Sarah and what did I do? I had us stay for almost a week. How could I have been so stupid?!" He sobbed loudly falling back to the ground after I successfully got him to stand. Trying again, he kept saying that it was his fault and that if only we had gone to the Gentle Barn maybe she would still be here.

Carrying him to his room I sit him down on his bed. He continued crying for a short period of time occasionally mumbling things to himself that not sadness me but makes me feel as if I were at fault also.

" Last night was a mistake. I should have never left the house. I should've stayed and watched over Sarah like always." He rambled on saying more things that proceeded to hurt me and bring me close to tears.

"What do you mean last night was a mistake?" I asked confused wanting to know exactly what he meant because last night was everything but a mistake. It was about us finally being intimate, communicating with each other on many levels and so much more but to him, it was a mistake?

"She's gone because I wasn't there for her instead I felt sorry of how my parents were treating you so I wanted to make things u-"

"So last night was pity sex just because you felt sorry for me?"

" No that came out wrong! I didn't do it because I felt sorry for you or anything! I wanted yesterday to be special for just for you. I paid my neighbor next door to get everything put in place but it was all out of love! You got to believe me Patrick" he begged climbing out the bed and tried to grab my hand but I pulled back. Everything he just said went into one ear and out the other. It was all out of the need to make me feel validation. He didn't plan last night because he wanted to, it was because he felt the need too. The dam finally breaking all my tears rush down my cheeks and onto the floor.

Being disgusted by his presence, I turned around exiting the room and went downstairs. From there I went to the guest room where I rinsed the shampoo from my hair in the sink and then proceed to dress my self along with packing my bags. I'll stay to help him find Sarah but as soon as we do I'm leaving. I'm tired of being neglected by him and his mother because of whatever reasons.

When finished packing, I unlocked the door to the bedroom and went to the dining area where I knew Brendon would be. As suspected there he was on the phone pacing back and forth with his eyes bloodshot red.

"We've been keeping her for almost a month now. No, she's my sisters. Not Kyla's but Kara. How am I suppose to know where they took her!! Send out an amber alert or something. I need my kid back Mike, please just do something" he spoke to our manager while crying. Taking a break from his pacing he sat down on one of the bar stools and looked at me. As much as I wanted to go over there and give him a hug, I didn't. I just stood there from the entryway watching the person I love life fall apart. It's just... How do you tell someone that you want to break up when their daughter was just kidnapped?

" They drive a gray 2007 Acura RDX. How the fuck am I suppose to know their license plate Mike? I'm sorry I'm upset but please don't hang up."

Seeing him like this really got the best of me and before my brain could comprehend what was happening, my heart led me over to him and let him wrap his arms around me. With him sitting and me still standing I leaned down and put my nose against his hair breathing in his scent.

I don't know how long I stood there smelling his hair and holding him but knowing that I won't be able to this in the future physically hurts my chest. 

"Do you have an idea where they could have gone?" I mumbled on his forehead. 

Shaking his head, he gently pushed me off him and walked over to the living room window looking out it.  

"I'm sorry" he whispered not looking at me. Still standing in the kitchen, my chest seizes cause I too was sorry. Sorry that I'm going to break your heart once you think its complete again. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention I was sorry? I wanted to make it longer but 1. I'm a shitty writer and 2. just don't know how so there's going to be a lot of timeline jumps,


	5. We both know you'd already win.

Brendon P.O.V.

" What cereal should we get Cow?" I asked stopping the cart in the aisle to look at her. She looked down at the many boxes of flavors before giving me a toothy grin.

"Pebbles!" she cheered pointing to the red box sporting Fred and Barney from the Flintstones.

"Of course, just like your daddy," Dallon smiled walking over to grab two boxes. Placing the boxes into the cart we continued on throughout the store. Snaking his arm around my waist, Dallon stood from behind me and walked along also pushing the cart. Sarah rambled on and on about her excitement for the upcoming holiday that is known as Halloween.

Looking back over the past couple of years, I can proudly say this is the happiest I've been in a long time. After Patrick and I broke up nearly two years ago my life was in chaos. Sarah nearly died because of my parents, Panic somewhat split, and I was out of a house for like a year thanks to touring but then Dallon came along. He was the much-needed breath of fresh air after the fire situation. After Ryan and Jon left the band I desperately needed a new bass player and when he came in to audition I didn't expect Sarah to be there as well but she was and the two instantly bonded, which not only made him get the job but secretly made me fall in love with him. No don't get me wrong I still love Patrick with every fiber in my body and still hearing his name makes my heart skip a bear but being with Dal is as close as I ever felt to being with him.

" Daddy" Sarah whined as I continued walking past the vegetable section.

" Cow we already have enough carrots at home. I told you we only came here for little things" I sternly told her. As much joy it should bring me that she's so willingly to eat her veggies, I can't help but see that side of Kara in her. Day by day she grows to look more like her mother and I'll be damned if her forehead doesn't grow just a tad bit more to meet the Urie standards.

Starting to throw a tantrum, she started kicking her kegs which ultimately hits me in the groin causing me to double over in pain. Being quick to jump into the action before she starts screaming and causes unwanted attention, Dallon hurriedly promised her they could stop to get ice cream with extra caramel on top. Seeming pleased with his answer she wiped the few tears that leaked and smiled. God she's lucky she cute.

Slowly we made our way to check out placing everything on the moving belt. Sarah helps as best as she could while sitting in the baby holder but eventually stopped after not being able to reach the rest of the groceries. Paying the cashier and agreeing to take a photo with her, we exit out the store and back home.

" After you finished with your ice cream you have to take your medicine got it?"

" Mhmm" she hummed happily licking the too big of a cone in her hands. Someone I talked Dal into buying us all an extra large cone, me with intentions to share with Sarah but she had other plans. I may or may not had made the mistake of letting her hold the cones while being distracted by fans and her caramel covered strawberry ice cream was all over her face and brand new t-shirt.

Watching her bend to let Penny lane lick some of her ice cream I completely ignore it reminding myself that dogs mouth are cleaner than humans on repeat. Shuffling around the kitchen I put away all the items and place the plastic bags in the recycling bin. Heading upstairs I go into my bedroom to change into some more comfortable clothing.

" Is it okay that I invited Pete, Mikey, and Hayley over for dinner?" Dallon asked from his spot on the bed.

" Of course babe. Is Hayls taking Cow for the night?" I questioned needing to know should I prepare an overnight bag for her. Ever since Sarah and I discussed on what she wants to be for Halloween I figured that she needs more female role models in her life. As sad as it sounds I had a thirty minutes argument with her on why she should be a pretty princess but to her, she thinks princesses are stupid and that she should be Iron Man cause she said and I quote " he kicks ass", thanks Tyler.

" I'm not sure but I can text her" he replied. On the off chances that she agrees I head into her room and sort through her clothes to wear. Being the lazy person I am, instead of washing clothes like normal people I just buy two weeks worth the clothing to easily say she has something clean to wear. And before you think " _eww that's disgusting_ ", Dallon who is more of a parent than I am, actually went out and bought a washer for me to use and stuff but since I've been so busy lately I really don't mind giving others the tasks to buy her clothes cause as any other Urie, Sarah loves attention.

Packing inside two outfits; one long sleeve and short sleeve, her snoopy vans, and various kinds of medication, I zip her bag close and carry it to the living room. When entering I see a puddle of strawberry ice cream on the wood ground and groan loudly bringing my hands up to pinch my nose.

" Sarah?" I called out trying to stay calm. The pitter patter of small feet make its way around the couch and a pink stained face meets mine.

" Penny did it! " she told holding her hand over her chest. Penny stuck her head from underneath the table before scurrying off away from "her mess". Not knowing how to reply I just picked Sarah up placing her on my hip sitting her down on the kitchen Island before grabbing the mop. Telling her to stay put I give her my phone to occupy her self with so she doesn't attempt to jump down. Getting a hot cup of water from the sink I pour a small amount over the melted ice cream and proceeded with the job.

Returning back to the kitchen I find Sarah where I left her. Seeing my arrival she holds her arms out for me to pick her up which I gladly do. Putting the mop back in the closet, I go to the kitchen drawer and pull out her sublingual immunotherapy drops to mix into her sippy cup. Watching me made her drink, she lays her head down on my shoulder yawning. Taking the cup from my hands she slurped silently on its contents while I guided us upstairs. 

*

" And then I told her "listen, lady, I may be dumb but I'm certainly not stupid," Pete said retelling the story that happened to him after a visit to the studio.

" But you were in the ladies room Pete trying to break the sanitary box," Hayley laughed biting into her pizza. 

" Well in my defense I heard a rumor there's a vending machine in the women's restroom and I had to see for myself! I thought it was a bind treat for only fifty cents. I was expecting some chips or something but I got a cotton sticker instead, so I wanted my money back. Why would anyone want a cotton sticker? Where would you even put it?" He asked looking between Dallon, Mikey, Hayley, and I. Not being able to keep a straight face we all bust out laughing. 

Sarah who is way to young understand what's going on just looks at us confused and pouts.

"Okay change of subject. Weekly update how's everyone been? It seems like it's been forever since I saw you guys." Mikey wondered. All going around the table sharing updates on their lives everyone seems to be in a good place despite Hayley's drama with Paramore and Pete dealing with the hiatus of Fall Out Boy, everything was fine. Even Sarah contributed to the weekly update announcing that she can say her ABCs in order but not really cause to her logic they can go in any order as she pleases. 

Finishing up dinner I hand Sarah over to Hayley for the night and helped Dallon clean up the mess knowing that the faster we clean, the faster we can go to the bedroom and have some fun.

 

Sarah P.O.V.

 " So Cow what you wanna do? Watch a movie, color, ohhh a dance party!" Hayley asked laying down on the couch where upside down. Thinking it over that  I never had a dance party before I decided on that. Holding out a finger to me she rolled off the seat onto the floor and over to the picture box. She pressed a few buttons on the handle and loud music came from it.

 _Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say._  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

Standing up from where I was sitting I begin dancing like Hayley and move my body in all different ways. On the moving box, I saw uncle Mikey and his friends all dressed the same being mean towards other people. The song changed and a familiar voice filled my ears. 

 _I confess, I messed up_  
Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around  
And I know you're dressed up  
Hey kid you'll never live this down

Stopping my movements, I stand still on the couch watching the person on the screen who I thought was only in my dreams. Hayley who is too busy to notice that I stopped dancing, I climbed down from the seat and walked over to the screen. 

"Papa?" I whispered placing both hands in front of me. He was inside the box with uncle Pete fighting a lot of funny looking people. Curious as to what was going on I continued watching the screen and even saw daddy dancing with the funny people. The back of my throat started to hurt and my bottom lip began to shake. 

"PAPA" I cried falling on my butt. Hayley stopped watch she was doing and picked me up off the ground. Kicking and screaming, I continued crying out for my Papa. 

"Sarah hush baby. No need to cry everything is fine. Stop crying baby," she said rocking me but I didn't care I want my Papa and I want him now. 

Ending the dance party short, Hayley took me to bed despite me throwing a tantrum and rubbed my belly to sleep. Hopefully when I wake up daddy and papa will be here.

 

Brendon P.O.V

" Brendon I'm so sorry. She completely flipped out when she saw Patrick on the tv. I wasn't thinking B," She cried over the phone. She called around close to eleven at night crying and told me everything that happened. Silently, I slipped out from beside Dallon and went downstairs to the study. Taking a seat down at the desk I wince a little from earlier events and dig around in the bottom drawer. Finding what I was looking for, I flipped the book open being greeted with his shining blue eyes. 

"Hayley it's okay. You just get some rest and I'll figure something out" I told her. Saying good night I hang up the phone and turn my attention back to the photo album. Unknowingly tears dripped down my face as I come across the photo of all three of us together before the whole fire. Mulling over what Hayley said, I unlock my phone and look through my contacts for a particular one. Hovering my thumb over the blue phone icon I look at the time. 

_11:27 p.m._

Knowing from the past that Patrick is most likely asleep right now I decided to text him instead. 

 **Brendon:** _I know it's late but would you like to talk soon? Sarah misses you..._

Holding my breath I press send. Unexpectedly I get a reply back right after.

**Trick:** _I miss her too and talking would be nice. Talk over breakfast?_

Not waiting another second I respond back to him.

 **Brendon** : _Square One Dining? 8:30?_

 **Trick:** _See ya there_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter and grammar mistakes but I plan on making the next one extra long (:


	6. Mm, your original sin

Brendon P.O.V.

After last night I told Hayley to drop Sarah off at the location where I told Patrick to meet us. It wasn't easy to tell Dallon that I was going out to meet my ex to discuss the future of our once shared daughter.

" If it's nothing for me to be worried about why can't I come with you?" Dallon asked leaning on the entryway of the restroom watching me do my hair.

Of course, I don't want Dallon there because this is something that should be done in a private matter. I never told him the full details on how we broke up and why, but this meeting is a way to prove to myself that I matured as an adult, something Patrick said I'll never be.

" How about this, I go with you but sit in the back of the restaurant? Out of hearing but still in sight but from your point of view." He thought out aloud trying to convince me. Ignoring him, I continue on doing what I was doing replaying that regretfully morning in my head.

_" I'm so sorry. It all happened so fast," My mom cried over the phone. Confused, I asked her what she's talking about._

_"She's not breathing"_

Shaking my head, I feel the familiar sting in the back of my eyes. Walking past him I went over towards my phone to check the time.

" Look I know you haven't seen him in a long time but hear me out" he continued to press on. Being fed up I rotated my body towards him.

"If I say yes would you stop nagging me?" I said. Smiling he bounced over to me and pecked my lips.

" Yes" turning around he disappeared into the closet for I'm guessing to get dressed. Sitting on the edge of my bed my mind wandered back over to Patrick and what he might be like now. In the two years we haven't been together a lot has changed on my end. There's only Spencer and me left with the addition of Dallon, I moved into a much larger building that close enough to Hayley, and I managed to get Sarah to utter her first words and steps all without the help of him being here. Not going to lie I still check up on Patrick but not with him personally but through Fall Out Boy but since the announcement of the hiatus he's been off the radar, so my mind is just making up all these different theories that I can't help but to keep thinking about that morning.

_" What you mean she's not breathing? MOM WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S NOT BREATHING!!" I yelled running over to the table to grab my keys. Patrick got up from his seat and followed me. Being to busy with the fact that my daughter could be possibly dead, I didn't notice the bags he had carried with him._

_"Where are you?" I demanded starting the ignition to the car. Waiting for Patrick to get inside, the hand that was currently on the stirring wheel had my knuckles turning sheet white._

_"Summerlin hospital" hanging up the phone I quickly pull out the driveway and sped towards the hospital. A mixture of emotions ran throughout my body. Happiness because I know where Sarah is, mad because my parents decided to kidnap her, worried because she might be dead and wretched because if she did die the last memory I'll have of her is her being in arms drooling all over my chest just as happy as she could ever be._

_Reaching over I grab ahold of Patrick's hand to which he slightly jerked away but quickly composed himself and squeezed my hand back._

_" Everything is going to be okay"  he whispered._

"Brendon, are you crying?" I heard a voice say from in front of me. Bringing my hand to my cheek it was indeed wet. How could he have easily lied to me? Everything wasn't okay. Sarah didn't die but it turned out she's severely allergic to eggs, my parents had planned on taking her Utah to "meet the family" and Patrick left me at the elevators not wanting to go up there and see our daughter but to him everything was okay. 

" _Aren't you getting on? Why did you bring luggage inside the hospi- wait why do you have your luggage?" I asked from inside the elevators holding the doors open. The look on his face is one I'll never forget. Not once in the three years we been together have I seen him express regret, guilt, and solitude all at the same time._

_My lip starts to trembling as I weakly called out his name " Patrick?". Seeing my reaction he let tears roll down his cheeks but he stayed in the same place._

_" I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't go see her with you no matter how much I want to but once I go in there I'm back to being second place. I don't ever want to feel as if I need to compete with your mother but I do. Whenever she's around I seize to exist and Brendon I know my worth. I know that I deserve better than how you treat me."_

_" What are you talking about? I love you and you know that. You were never second place, never. Just on Pat, Sarah needs us right now."_

_" Then why does it feel like that? You even said it this morning last night was a mistake and now looking back at it I agree. I agree that this whole week was a mistake because I trusted you and now look what happened. Our daughter is in a hospital bed clinging for life because you couldn't listen. When are you ever going to grow up and stop being a child? I love you too but here is where everything ends."_

_Reopening the doors I try to walk out the shaft over to him but he pushes me back inside and presses a button._

_" Bye Brendon" and with that, the doors closed with the sight of him walking away not looking back once._

I can't go through with this meeting. I'm still everything he said I was. A child. A grown child who is scared and afraid of the world outside my bubble that I can't go anywhere without Dallon or Sarah. A child who just buys new clothes every two weeks because I refuse to learn how to work a washer. A child that not even my bandmates could handle. He's right, I'll never grow up.

Grabbing my shoulders to stop me from rocking, Dal bends down to my level and begun whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Calming down slightly I wiped the tears off my face and leaned into him.

" Thank you," I said being muffled by his navy blue jacket. Hearing him sigh he connected his lips to mine.

" You were in your headspace again and I could tell that it was only going to get worse". Being grateful to have someone like him to call as my boyfriend I kiss him again but with more passion to show him that I really do love him and to maybe prove to myself that once I see Patrick again I won't let my feelings get involved.

The car ride there wasn't so bad. The whole time Dallon rubbed his thumb over my knuckles as he drove seeing that I'm emotionally unstable too. Every minute that goes by the closer to 8:30 it gets. The silver lining in this whole situation is that Sarah will be there and so will Dal. Pulling into the parking lot I see Hayley's car in the back and becomes internally gratefully that she too came early so I won't have to go through sitting alone.

" Ready?" Dal asked killing the ignition. Smiling back at him, I unbuckle my seatbelt and exit the car going into the restaurant. Hayley's fire truck red hair immediately catches my attention but so does the person sitting next to her. This isn't the Patrick that I remember. The Patrick who I love don't have bleach blonde hair, a smaller waist, a smaller face, but his eyes... his eyes are the same. 

" DADDY!" I hear Sarah screams pulling me from out my thoughts. Walking the small distance over to where they are I greet them all and take Sarah from her spot and place her on my hip.

"Daddy misses his little cow," I said to her softly knocking my forehead against hers. Squealing she tries to jump out my grip but Patrick settles her back to where I had her.

"Uh, Thanks" I replied quietly. A wave of uneasiness comes over the three of us adults. Slipping past us, Hayley makes her exit and not so secretly runs over to Dallon who's not making any attempts to stop sending daggers into the back of Patrick's head. Taking her seat, I place Sarah back in her high chair.

"Look, daddy, it's papa!" she happily peeped with over excitement. Laughing, I look at the person in front of me. The person who gave me so many wonderful memories including one giant bad one.

"Hey" I sought opening the conversation.

"Hi" he smiled showing his row of perfectly aligned white teeth.

"How have you been? We haven't talked in so long" I asked being deeply interested in the stuff he could tell me that I couldn't read in a tabloid. Taking a sip from his mug I notice how thinner his hands are. The same hands that I use to kiss every night before bed, are now lesser than what they use to be. I wonder do they still feel the same.

" Everything been good. Still trying to get used to not seeing Andy, Joe, and Pete every day but the break is much needed between us. I've been traveling a lot lately, thinking about moving back home to Chicago but before I do that, I need to finish this project I'm currently working on right now. How had things been with you?  To be honest I wasn't excepting a text from you so soon or let alone during the night." he said fumbling with his sleeves. 

Thinking of my response, I flag down a waitress to take my order.

"What can I get started for you?" the brunette asked chewing on the end on her pen.

Looking over the menu I decided on the pancakes and yogurt knowing that Sarah loves them.  Taking my order she leaves the table leaving us in quiet once again.

" I can say things been decent. After the split with Ryan and Jon, things got kinda difficult but I managed. Still, haven't talked to my parents since you know what happened. I uh got a nice size house not far from the old apartment and it's nearby Hayley and this park that Cow just adores so much."

"Cow?" He asked tilting his head in confusion. Mentally slapping my head for realizing that Patrick didn't know that was Sarah's nickname. I smile for the reason why I call her that.

" Her first words were moo moo so I guess the name Cow was pretty fitting. She always did love farm animals thanks to you." I joked. His expression changed from focused to soft-hearted like how I remembered it being.

" I taught her her first words?" He beamed. He turned in his seat to look at Sarah and take her small hands into his medium sized one.

" I knew you had it in you baby girl" he gushed. Watching the scene unfold in front of me, I couldn't hide the fact that my heart started to swell. If only he was there to witness her actually speak those words I wouldn't be feeling a tear in my heart but then again I'm kinda happy he wasn't present or else he would have seen the break down I had when I realized her first words were of Patrick and not me.

Before I could continue on with the past event of my life, the waitress comes back with our food in her hands.

" Anything else I can help you gentlemen out with? More coffee for you sir?" She questioned after placing the plates on the table. He nodded his head and she left to go fetch him more. Cutting the pancakes into small pieces I begin to fed Sarah before myself.

"Yea who knew? I thought she would never talk let alone take her first steps but she's full of surprises. Somehow she slipped past Zack while I was performing in Oregon and just stumbled on stage wanting to see me. So many people tried to get her off but she just wouldn't let me go so we let her stayed. You should've been there Pat. Seeing her walk on stage with these humongous noise canceling headphones on her tiny head was a sight to see." I chuckled thinking about that moment and how I got in so much trouble afterwards.

" Don't worry I saw it. It was hard not too. The video made it on Good Morning America so the world United States saw. I didn't realize they were her first steps though! She looked like a natural up there maybe she's been practicing and wanted to surprise you," he hinted wiggling his eyebrows. Taking a break from feeding her the pancakes I let her take the bowl of fruit and yogurt and let her eat them by herself. Still being cautious I watch her steadily when she picked up a strawberry that was too big for her mouth.

" What else did I miss?" He asked while taking a blueberry from the bowl and popping it onto his tongue.

" Um, what else is there to say?... She just started to be potty trained, which I might add is a struggle. Everywhere she goes she has to take Penny, our dog with her and just like her M O M she loves to argue." I said spelling out the m-word to avoid that dreaded question with her. Understanding my reason, Patrick showed his approval on my update and for the first time in the thirty minutes since we been here things weren't as tense as they were before. It was like old times. Like that day two years ago never happened and we're just here on a breakfast date or here as two best friends playing catch-up.

" I like this. I miss talking to you, just like old times back when we were friends. You were always so easy to talk too. " I blurted out feeling a little light-headed just from being in presence again.

" I was thinking the same exact thing." he laughed causing me to grin. Glancing back at Sarah to if she's safely eating her meal I see that her bowl was half empty and some of its contents was sitting on her shirt. Not even bothering to clean it cause I know she'll get it dirty again, I take the bowl from her to give her tummy a  break.

" Papa guess what? Me going to be a vampire like daddy for Halloween!" she clapped. Giving me an amused look I hear some snickering from the back corner of the restaurant. Knowing that sound like the back of my palm, I knew it was Hayley. Sensing me looking at her, her and Dallon both quickly avert their eyes and hide behind their phones.

" I'm going to take a gab at it and think Hayley let her watch the Halloween video, am I right?" he smirked. Feeling my cheeks slightly getting warm, I bow my head down in embarrassment cause of that video and the fact that Patrick watched it even after we broke up.

" Ayley said she'll take me to go get candy. All I have to do is say trick treat and then chocolate" she explained looking fondly over to Patrick. She had her head supported on her hands that was keeping her upright by her elbows on the table. All day I can listen to her talk about nonsense and not once will I ever get bored of hearing her. For such a tiny creature she has such a powerful voice that holds more volume than it should. I wouldn't be surprised if she grew up to be a singer like us both or a soccer player because of how much she likes to kick things when I tell her no.

" The reason why I wanted to meet with you was that Sarah had an incident last night and I thought that maybe only if you agree... would you like to start sharing her? I know that she's my responsibility and not yours but I don't want another repeat of what happened." I hesitated. Just out of habit I ran my hand through my hair and slightly pull on the ends. Knowing Patrick, he'll most likely say yes but obviously, a lot can change in two years. His appearance has by a hundred percent but I don't know about his personality. Would he just laugh in my face and leave or would he accept my plea? Then again, he did say he plans on moving to Chicago when he finishes his project and what if he's almost done with it? What if he's planning on leaving next week? Is it getting hot in here or is it just me and since when did the room start spinning? The sounds of moving chairs can be heard in the background and I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders and face. Words are being mumbled and uttered into my ears but they go out through the other side. I hear Sarah calling my name out but my head and body still aren't comprehending what's going on. 

" He's in his headspace again." I hear someone say. It could either be Dallon or Patrick but everything is blurring together that not even my thoughts are intact. 

"Bren listen to my voice. Okay? Can you do that for me? Remember that time when we were in the studio and had that big surprise party of Joe and how he hit Pete with a guitar? We were all laughing so hard that we knocked the cake on the floor?" A voice asked while rolling the ends of my ears between their fingers. Doing what they said I think back to the memory that I do in fact remember. Joe told us many times that he didn't want a party but that gave us every more reason to throw him one. Patrick told him to come to the studio to record a part for a song they were working on for their new album. Some of us parked our cars a block over so when he arrives he wouldn't be suspicious of the crowded parking space. As soon as he walked in we all yelled surprised and Pete being the closest person next to him, got hit in the face with the guitar he takes everywhere with him. That night was one of the best nights of my life cause that was the night I finally got to kiss Patrick.

" And the carpet caught on fire," I smile ultimately breaking free from my trance and seeing the figures surrounding me. Dallon, Hayley, and Patrick who still was rolling my ears. Catching my gaze, our eyes lock. Just how I remember them they still have are that medium blue hue with that tiny yellow ring. I don't want to think too much into it but if I remember correctly his eyes only have that yellow ring when he's passionate about something and a small maybe large part of me hopes I'm the cause of it being there. 

"Yea, it did" he laughed taking back his hands. For a moment we just look at each other taking each other in.

"Are you okay babe? You were in kinda deep" Dallon wondered kissing the side of my head. Just by that small action, Patrick's lip twitched a bit but his facial expression never changed. 

" Patrick Stump and you must be?" He asked introducing himself to Dallon holding a hand out for him to shake. Shaking his hand back he responded to Patrick.

"The names Dallon. I'm Brendon's boyfriend," he smirked as if he goes around casually announcing that to everyone or just to piss him off. Just like earlier the table was once again quiet but with something else I can't place my finger on. Sarah using the tension as a ploy, sneaked my plate of unfinished pancakes to eat for herself. 

"Well this was fun and all but we have somewhere to be real soon. Nice meeting you Patrick it was... a delight." Dallon spoke putting a few bills down on the table and turned to leave. 

"Likewise and Brendon, I don't mind looking after Sarah sometimes. I'll text you what days work for me and we can go on from there. " He said gathering up his things. Picking Sarah up from her sit she opens her arms for Patrick. Not just giving wrapping himself around her, he included me in also. Breathing in his scent, I take note of how he still smells like snickerdoodle cookies.  

"Love you Papa," Cow's tiny voice said from between us. Stepping back he kisses her head and gives my shoulder a squeeze. 

"Talk to you later" was all he said while giving me that all too knowing look. 

Patrick P.O.V.

Unlocking my car door I get inside and lay my head on the stirring wheel. God, I told myself that I was ready to see him again but nothing prepared me for actually touching him. As soon as I saw his eyes spaced out I knew he trapped himself in his thoughts again. In the early stages of our relationship, this was a reoccurring thing for him. He was always so worried about someone finding out we were sneaking around together or what his parents will think of him that I tried many tactics to pull him out from that dangerous state. I tried hugging him, singing to him, and so much more that one day I just started playing with his ears and it worked. So when his eyes spaced out I immediately jumped into action and did the things I knew that would help. I didn't even give time for his boyfriend to response to the situation as I just took over. Ughh, why did I agree to meet him?! Why did he have to look the way he did? I can't let him ruin me again like last time. I'm finally in a good place in life and I don't need him working his way back inside no matter how bad I want to let him and kiss those big plump lips of his. 

Before doing something I'll regret, I send a text to Travie. I tell him that I'm on my way to his house and to be prepared for a workout because I have some pent-up frustration that needs to be released. Hopefully that this way I can fully get over the ex-lover that I call, Brendon Urie. 


	7. you fooled me once with your eyes, now, honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post

Patrick P.O.V

"I want to try something new," I strained, trying desperately to remain in control of the situation as I rolled my hips lazily.

Travie disregarded what I had just said and continued thrusting into me. My head fell back, eyes glaring up at the ceiling of his bedroom instead of his beautiful face. His shaking hands had a solid grip on my already bruised hipbones from our previous encounter, trying to control my movements while he could hardly control his own.

Although it's still early in the morning I needed this. I need to be in charge in order to get Brendon off my mind and the best way for that is to have a pair of long tan legs wrapped around my waist. Travie likes being a top and don't get me wrong the sex is mind-blowing, pretty much the best I ever had in a long time but I wanna see things in a new perspective.

"I want to try something new," I repeated moving my hips to meet his thrust. His nails dug deeper into my hips becoming slightly more dominant. To get his attention I begun dragging my nails against his back knowing that's our code to slow down. When he did I had to suppress the moan that was threating to come out because of his unbelievable hard-on was pressed right against my prostate.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked softly barely moving his hips to lean down placing his elbows on both sides of my head. Watching me intensely, I met him half-way to start planting kisses on his neck.

"Shit, Trick" He stuttered.

Using his words as encouragement, I kissed him more pushing our pressed bodies upwards in a weird straddling position.

"I wanna fuck you," I said taking him by surprise. He completely stopped his movements and looked at me with confusion on his face.

"W-what?"

Travie, despite how much he loved sex, can be pretty close-minded when it came down to it. I was lucky if he blew me every once in a while. I was lucky if he let me blow him every once in a while, honestly. I mean, just to think about it, I was stuck with my back to the mattress for the first two months of our in-the-closet relationship and then some. I was always the one who would nut up and ask about trying new things. Sometimes he'd say yes, sometimes he'd say no. It was sort of cute how shy he got sometimes.

" We always do things your way but we never you know... changed spots," I said shyly.

"Look this won't be a permanent thing or whatever but I just want to try this out. You always please me. I just want to return the favor. "

A few moments passed and judging the look on his face I could tell he's thinking it over. Eventually, he pulled out of me which I was not expecting and laid next to me.

" I can do it?" I asked beginning to smile. He nodded his head and begun telling me instructions on what to do.  
  
  


Brendon P.O.V.

It's been three hours since I last saw Patrick and he has yet to text me about our arrangement with Sarah. When we got back home, she has been nonstop talking about her "papa" and how she can't wait to see him again that I can only imagine how Dallon must feel no longer being her favorite but I can't help but smile at the fact that she remembers him. From only being eight months old to thirty-one, her tiny brain remembers him for the short period of time they were together and she claimed him as her _papa_. As soon as we stepped through the door she ran up the stairs, well more liked walked up them one at a time, to her room yelling something that resembles "bright paper". Laughing to myself I sit her bag next to the door just completely stunned over the fact that I saw him again. Physically and not just through a phone screen or on paper but in person.

Taking a seat on the couch I send a text to the group chat that contains Tyler, Josh, Hayley, Pete, Jenna, Mikey, Gabe, Joe, Andy, and me to tell everyone how the meeting went. Before you start , yes, I know that having a group chat with the members of FOB is kinda weird considering my relationship with Patrick but they're my friends and when we broke up they ghosted me for a while and even called me some unmentionable names yet they still stuck around to help me with raising Sarah with the promise of no conversation going towards the subject of Patrick and me.

**_To: Fueled by Ramen Noodles_ ** **(Jenna's choice of name)**

" _Meeting went well! Sarah can't stop talking about him and pretty sure she's upstairs drawing him a picture but I haven't heard anything back from him since then..._ "

Sending the message, I close my eyes to recap the events of earlier. I saw Patrick, which I might add looked like a fine tall glass of water. We exchanged some words, Sarah was happy and enjoying herself, and Pete got hit with a guitar.

Wait, Pete wasn't there... Thinking back as hard as I can. I recall Pete getting hit, there was cake on the carpet, Patrick and I was in the sound booth... and... oh God, I started hyperventilating. That should explain why I don't remember anything after talking about the Halloween video because I started panicking and went into my headspace. That explains why his hands were on my ears. When we were together that was the only way for him to calm me down.

Rubbing my temples, I pull out my phone getting ready to text him but stopped when I saw the messages from the group. 

**_From: Rainbow Williams_**  
" Gasp! I want a picture too!! Don't sweat. He probs got like super busy and may text you later? Don't stress you did great Bren :) "

 ** _From: Gabriel Slutorta_**  
" That was today?! I wanted to be there to see the showdown between Stump and Weekes. How come she was there?!"

 ** _From: Jishwa Dun_**  
"If anyone is getting a picture drawn it's me. I bought her that 120ct of crayons and markers. Also if bets are being placed Tyler said he has $20 on Patrick but I TAKE NO PART IN THIS. I agree with what Hayley said. Just give it time. "

 ** _From: Pete Size Pea_**  
" And who had to buy her another pack after someone cough cough, Josh, took them back because she hates the color red? Also, why would Dallon be there if it doesn't concern him? And why was hair dye there? Was this an open invite?"

**_From: Rainbow Williams_ **

"Any other bets wanna be placed? I accept cash, checks, and credit cause let me tell youuuu guys! Dallon was most definitely there and was wearing a not so amused look on his face. And if you must know. We were there for moral support and plus I had cow for the night so unlike you eyeliner, I had an invitation to the party"

 ** _From: Edgy Andy_**  
" That's good you guys are putting your past behind so Sarah can have the opportunity to have both her dads in her life. Is she taking picture requests? My animal kingdom collage is coming along quite nicely and I think some fishes will make a nice addition"

 ** _From: Ty-guy_**  
"josh it's not nice to lie, i said $50 and you did take her crayons i just didn't have the heart to tell you. i hid them under the couch."

Reading over all the messages I just roll my eyes as they didn't even give me any helpful tips on what to say Patrick or what to do in this situation. The only decent comment I saw so far was Andy's telling me that us coming together was beneficial for her.

**_To: Fueled by Ramen Noodles_ **

" Wow, thanks guys for the support. So much useful information that I can use to text Pat. And if you guys must know, YES Dallon was there. NO there was not a showdown. NO Hayley will no be taking money cause there are no bets being placed. MAYBE Sarah will draw everyone a picture but her attention is focused on something else right now. ALSO Tyler, if you're sitting next to Josh, why not talk to him directly? Plus I'm going to need those crayons back. Even all the red ones." I replied realizing I'm not going to get the comfort I need from them.

Forgetting to text Patrick, I get up from my spot and head upstairs to join my daughter in her bedroom. Out of the many rooms in this house, her's has to be my favorite. The walls are a cream white ( which has been painted over so many times ever since she learned to walk and draw so you can imagine my face when the walls were a different color than their original state) with mini portraits of her hanging on them drawn by Gerard. On one of her closet doors is a floor to ceiling mirror, that is currently smudged with her handprints and an undeniable outline from when she tried to lick her reflection. Flowing across the room are miniature pastel grey, blue, purple, and pink flags dancing in the air underneath the glow in the dark stars that litter the ceiling making different constellations. In the opposite corner from the door, she has her cream pink canopy draping down into her reading station/ Penny's bed that has a light grey plush rug instead of the bare wood floor so it can be more comfortable. Along the wall next to it is her white bookshelf, white coloring desk ( which was a huge mistake), cream pink play mat, and grey toddler bed.

For her age, she's slightly above average height but once she's on the mattress she immediately engulfed in the hundreds of stuff animals and pillows she has that sometimes it's difficult to find her in the mess. But I can take some blame for the excessive amount of cushions. Whenever I go out and see something that I think might look cute in her room I buy it immediately not thinking if she actually needs it. Lately, I been on this app Jenna told me about called Pinterest and seeing all these ideas on decorating I'm pretty sure fairy lights would look great in here which I need to buy soon.

Pausing I stand in the entryway just watching her. Sprawled out on the floor is her and countless amount of colored wax and paper surrounding the area she's in. From where I am, I can see several stick figures and I think something similar to what's supposed to be Penny. Sensing my presence she looked up at me with those big brown eyes of her.

"Daddy look" she smiled holding up her drawing. Walking deeper in her room I take a seat on the floor next to her taking the paper in my hands. In the drawing, I can only hope the stick figure with black on top of the circle is me and the other figure with yellow hair is Patrick. Inbetween us both is a miniature figure with two long strands of brown that I assume is resembling her hair. Next to her is a dotted black and white four-legged creature, Penny. Everything in the picture was bright and colorful. The grass was a mixture of every color, the sky was pink and the sun was a neon yellow. On the edge of the paper was another stick figure whose body was more of just a line and no head.

" Who's this Cow?" I asked pointing to the line. She looked over my hand and giggled,

" That's Dallie duh. He too big to be in the picture." she laughed matter of factly. Handing the drawing back to her I take notice of the other ones. Some were of just me and him, some of just her and him, and the rest was just him alone. She was already infatuated with him this soon that I couldn't help but to think how long has she been missing him.

"Cow sweetie, how long have you missed your papa?" I asked softly bringing a hand up to push a lock of hair away from her face. Her movement stilled and she looked up at the wall thinking. She wiggled her nose and creased her brows, making one of her renowned thinking faces.

"A very long time" she nodded seeming pleased with her answer. Knowing better to just accept that as her final answer because from past experiences a very long time for her is equivalent to five minutes. Thinking of a way to rephrase my question, I take her for her spot on the floor and into my lap. She lays her head on my chest looking up at me.

" Did you know Papa before you saw him on the tv?" I questioned really becoming curious about what she's going to say. After a short pause, I feel a small movement on my chest. Looking down at her she pulled my head towards her to where my ear was leveled with her mouth.

" Papa magic. I see him in dream" she whispered. Pulling back I try to hide my amused looked and replace it with a gasp. Faking being shocked I continue to ask her more questions. For that whole afternoon, we stayed in her room coloring, reading, and telling each other make belief stories.

Not long after putting Sarah down for her nap I go to my bedroom for the first time in three hours. There lays Dallon on the bed phone in hands with his earbuds in. Crawling on the bed, I crawl over to him and straddled his waist.

"Have you been in here all day?" I asked taking a bud out so he could hear me. Leaning down I attached my lips to his neck sucking lightly. He intakes a breathe and shakingly releases it. His hands take purchase on both of my hips rocking them.

"I say we have a good hour or so before Cow wakes up" I pressed, kissing him even lower. Reaching down I start to unbuckle his belt but his fingers stopped me. Raising my eyebrow at him I tilt my head. Usually, whenever Sarah is down for her nap and we're doing nothing Panic related, we try to get a quickie in knowing that we can't at night because Sarah likes to randomly get in the bed with us so you can Imagine my confused face.

"We need to talk about earlier" was all he said. Still wearing my facial expression I move from his waist to my side of the bed. Sitting up crisscrossed he pinched the bridge of his nose appearing to be deep in thought.

Taking his hands in mines, I rub his knuckles over with my thumb.

" Do you still have feelings for Patrick?" he hesitated looking me deep in my eyes. Feeling my throat squeeze I find it hard to reply back to him.

"The whole time while you two were talking you looked at him in a way you never looked at me. I don't know what happened at Joe's party but I know a moment was shared and Brendon I don't want to compete with something that was in the past. Do you still have feelings for him?" He croaked. I see his eyes begin to gloss over and immediately I wipe away the few tears that managed to escape. He leaned into my touch and I caressed his cheek with my free hand.

"Dallon you are the only person who I love in this world beside my daughter, okay? If I gave Patrick a look then I'm so so sorry. I just haven't seen him in a long time and he looks completely different that I was just shocked. Never should you feel that you need to compete with anyone. You are my one and only." I told him but deep down it didn't feel right saying those words to him. I do love him but actually hearing myself say it out loud it feels like a lie.

Catching me off guard he kissed me slipping his tongue past my lips. For a moment we just stay like that entangled in each other arms but I couldn't get rid of this feeling in my chest. I can't still love Patrick. At the lowest point in my life, he chooses to break up with me. The only time we talked was when asked to do 20 dollar nosebleed live and recording Open Happiness. Even then I felt myself longing for him but he was completely avoiding me when we didn't have to shoot together. 

Pushing me back on the bed, Dallon crawled in between my legs and mimicked the actions I tried to perform on him. Before he could get far enough to pull my pants down, my pocket started vibrating and playing Sarah voice attempting to sing along to Northern Downpour. Not stopping his movements, he hands me my phone with a slight smirk on his face. Taking the device from his hands I see that its Patrick calling me and my skips a beat. 

"Hell-OH!" I moaned into the phone. Looking down, Dallon had his lips around my member sucking it in deep. Our eyes meet and he had a daring glimmer to them. 

"Did I call at a bad time?" He asked slightly worried. Quickly I reassured him that the timing couldn't be any more perfect and that I was planning on texting him earlier but had got busy. 

Laughing he continued talking, " I was calling to ask if Sarah had any food restrictions besides eggs? I'm going shopping tomorrow and want to have things at the house for her." 

Pulling Dallon off me I jump up from my spot on the bed falling on the floor in an attempt to find my boxers. 

"You want to share her?!" I grinned. Hearing him on the other end laughing once again I couldn't stop myself laughing with him. 

"Did you think I was going to say no?" 

"Yes- wait, no!! I knew you were going to agree but I haven't heard anything from you since this morning so I started getting worried. " I explained jogging down the stairs to the kitchen towards the info board. Reciting to him the things that she's allergic too, likes, and hate, the smile never leaves my face when he makes small little side comments.

" She what!" he laughs through the phone. 

"No lie Pat. She will bite right through an onion like its an apple and don't even gag. I swear she's going to be the death of me making me eat all this healthy shit," I beamed. 

" So what days work best for you for me to have her?" 

Thinking about my upcoming schedule and her future doctor appointments, I think of no conflicts.

" Umm, that depends how many days out the week you want to take her. Really any day is fine but coming soon we're going to start back recording..." I trailed off. Taking a seat at the counter, I grab the calendar that was nearby and flipped through it. In two weeks we're supposed to go to Nevada so that Jenna can see her. 

"Can I have her tomorrow?" 

Looking at calendar seeing that tomorrow has nothing written down, I told him he can take her. In a quick blur out of the corner of my eye, I see Dallon walk past the kitchen into the living room and not a second later the front door slams shut. 

_Well shit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If can't tell I really had no plot in the beginning. Every time I try to write on the chapter my professor will assign me an essay to write back to back. Sorry if it's not good but like I said school was kicking my ass plus I had writer's block. Hopefully, see you all next week going to listen to Trench.


	8. You fooled me twice with your lies, and I say

 

As soon as the door slammed shut there was a loud cry coming from upstairs telling me that the toddler above is now awake. Not knowing what to do I choose to go comfort Sarah than to chase after Dallon and leave her unattended. Taking two steps at a time, I reached her door within seconds tearing it open to comfort her. Once inside I immediately reached down into the pile of stuff animals and managed to pull her out sobbing.

"Shh, it was just a loud noise baby, everything's okay" I comforted. Hearing the patter of small feet, Penny comes running in bearing her teeth thinking there is an intruder inside the house. Seeing the two of us, she hid her teeth and waddled her way to rub her head against my leg.

Hmm, that's good to know she'll be protective over Sarah.

Heading back to the kitchen, Sarah was clinging tightly to my shirt occasionally hiccupping. Trying to place her on the counter she only gripped onto me even harder making me sigh.

"Are you hungry sweetcakes?" I asked searching through the contents of the fridge. Feeling her nod her head, I pull out a container of baby carrots for her to snack on while I try to figure out what's going on and what to feed her.

"Papa" I hear her say, dipping my head a little I see she's pointing at the phone displaying his face. Fuck, I forgot he was on the phone so he probably heard all of the background noise and calling to see if everything's okay.

"Do wanna talk to him?" I asked beginning to answer the call. Quickly she nodded her head reaching out for the phone. Accepting his request to talk, I put the conversation on speaker.

"I heard yelling is Sarah okay?" He rushed out. Hearing her name, she raised her head off my chest.

"Loud" was all she said looking fascinated at the device before her.

Quickly I retracted her statement trying to think of a way to change the subject without revealing what had happened between Dallon and me.

"Wanna tell papa you have a surprise for him?" I whispered down into her ear.

Looking at me with confusion written on her face, I point towards the refrigerator that has numerous drawings on the surface. Finally understanding what I mean, she begins jumping up and down in my arms with excitement.

"Papa we got a new cold box and, Dallie let me color it." She squealed clearly not understanding what I thought she understood. _Why did you seriously think a two- year old would follow along with what you want her to say?_

Sitting cow in her high chair, I strap her in and moved it closer to the table.

"Actually what she meant to say is that she has a surprise for you here at the house, ain't that right sweetie," I intervened. Opening the pantry, I grab the loaf of bread that she demanded to have and peanut butter to make our lunch. Dropping the slices in the toaster, I turn around to face Sarah.

The conversation didn't fully reach my ears as I begin thinking of reasons why Dallon would walk out. Is it because of this morning? Was I being too needy or passive aggressive? I already know I'm going to get an ear full for not calling him as soon as it happened either way, but it was technically his fault for waking her up, and he knows I won't leave her here by herself. Even if I was just standing outside, I have to be nearby at all times. Maybe, that is if he returns back, I'll cook him a nice dinner to apologize. Hearing the buzzer go off, the bread jumps out a golden brown color. Rinsing off a knife, I start to coat the wheat with peanut butter and pre-sliced chilled bananas.

"Papa, when are you coming home?" I hear from over my shoulder. The knife dropped from my hands and onto the counter which then fell to the floor. On the other end, I hear Patrick choke on something meaning that we were both caught off guard. I stand silently in my place waiting for him to say something first. "Say something" she demanded slightly raising her voice. Hitting her tiny hands against the table, I jump in my spot being startled by the noise.

"I don't know how to answer that sweetie but what about this, how about tomorrow bright and early in the morning we go on an adventure anywhere that you like. What you say about that?" he asked with a slight nervousness in his voice. Placing her lunch in front of her, she wastes no time stuffing her face. Quietly but quickly, I take the phone from the table and take the call off speaker. Turning on the television from across the room, I move towards the back corner of the kitchen.

"I had no idea she was going to ask you that. I was literally standing behind her making lunch." I whispered to him. Hearing his laugh eased my nerves but it does something to my chest that makes it tightens with a foreign familiar feeling. It's the same feeling whenever I look back at old pictures of Sarah or sing Disney songs with Dallon but, I never felt this way just from hearing someone's laugh. Discussing more about her unexpected question, we agreed upon a sharing schedule and how we can avoid future ones.

Unknowingly the conversation stirred away from her and onto us both sharing details on how life has been since the breakup.

"Yea after my talk with my doctor I knew I had to get my health in order if I wanted to remain in good shape. And honestly, I never felt more confident in myself," he spoke. And I agreed with him. When meeting him this morning his whole aurora was different from what I remembered it being. He talked with more certainty, he stood with pride, but what I noticed about him that was for sure different was his smile. It was like when we first started dating or after we just got Sarah, or being in the studio, he was happy. _Yeah_... he's healthy, happy and confident, and I couldn't be any more excited for him.

-

Where could he be?! It's been hours since Dallon walked out and I haven't anything from him. I tried calling, texting and even resorted to attempting to track his location but, he turned it off. Right now it's close to midnight and there's no way in my near future will I be sleeping.

Being concerned about his well being, I quietly take Sarah out her bed, being careful not to wake her and head outside. Placing her in her car seat, I start to drive towards his house.

Keeping my eyes on the road, I call his cell again just for it to go straight to voicemail.

" _Hey you reached Dallon, leave a name and number and I may call you back but I'm too awkward for that, so I'll text you_."

"Dallon where are you? I'm worried sick and I'm about to lose my mind. Whatever I did for this to happen I'm sorry. Please come home, please. We miss you." Pressing the big red button I continue down the empty road.

Every minute that passes my anxiety reaches another level. _What could I have done?_ I put Sarah down for her nap, I started to go down on him but he stopped me before I could even undo his belt. We talked about this morning and then everything went back to normal. I don't see where anything could have gone wrong? Maybe he just got an important phone call and I'm over exaggerating.

Although that could be the case I still pull into Dallon's driveway, right next to his car. Putting the car in park, I grab Sarah from the back and make my way to his front door.

I rapidly begin to knock on the wood choosing to be invited in rather than using the spare key he gave me. Tightening Sarah in my grip, I zip her coat all the up, and put her hood all the way on so she won't catch a cold. Bouncing on the heels of my feet, I knock on his door again.

"Dallon come on, open the door."

Silence

"I can hear you."

Silence

" You just turned off your lamp"

Silence

"Dal please, Sarah's gonna get sick out here," I whined slowly becoming a little impatient.

The lamp turns back on and I hear him unchaining the locks. Seconds later his door swings open but only wide enough for him to look at me though. From what I can make in the glow of the moon, his eyes are a raw red color, his eyelids are puffy, his hair is a mess, and he's wearing my clothes instead of his own.

"Can I come in?" I ask feeling a small shiver run down my spine. Looking at me then at Sarah, he opens the door all the way to let us in. Once inside I immediate lay her on the couch next to the door so she can rest properly.

"What do you want?" he asked after placing a blanket over her shaking figure.

He stood next to her with his arms crossed and a blank expression. The moonlight from the window came through and danced across his face, displaying his strong jawline.

Not knowing what to do with my hands, I place them inside my pocket. "Whatever happened back there earlier, if I did something that had upset you, I'm sorry."

Scoffing, he shook his head and turned away looking in another direction. He began pacing back and forth, slightly talking to himself under his breath.

"Whatever happened? Brendon, how could you be so clueless? You seriously don't know?" He asked keeping his voice strangely calm. Again not knowing what to do or knowing what I did, I remained silent.

He just laughed, tossing his head back. "Of course you don't. Because you can never do anything wrong, can you? That you're just so well put together that you have everything figured out."

"So you leaving during the middle of us being intimate to go talk to your ex is just normal I guess! Just throw me off you like a rag doll and run towards him." He laughed running his hands through his hair.

"Are you kidding me? You seriously can't be mad because I was talking to Patrick about Sarah, our daughter! For Christ's sake Dallon. What are you sad that you didn't get to blow me or what?" I argued. For him to be mad over something so little as this is just stupid.

"Me, sad? No Brendon, I'm furious. It hasn't even been a full twenty-four hours since you talked to him let alone saw him, and you already changed. You look at him like he's some prized possession. Compared to that, you look at me like you just acknowledge my existence and that's all! No mouth drooling or anything special."

" This conversation can't really be happening?! Do you not understand that I share MY daughter with him! That she calls him her PAPA! I had no part in that, I didn't even plan on ever seeing him again but she wanted to. I'm doing this for HER! So what if I look at him in a certain way. Did you forget that I use to date him for nearly four years? That's double the time me and you been together, Dal. My feelings can't just wash away from him because we been through a lot together and those memories are hard to forget, okay? If you want me to stop seeing him then I will, but you can't stop Sarah from doing so, you have no right or say for that," I told him stepping close to him.

He looked down at me while I looked up at him. The temperature around me increased by a million due to me being so angry for letting this small situation blow up into something this big.

"You say you don't have feelings for him but you can't deny the way you look at him or the way he looks at you. Something is there and I don't want to be in the middle of it. Maybe we should just stop what we're doing before it's too late. You obviously need to work out your feelings because I tell they're all over the place."

Watching the tears roll down his cheek, I closed the distance between us. Wrapping my arms around his frame, he drops his head and cries onto my shoulder.

"I love you too much to let you go" I whispered, using my thumb to rub patterns into his back.

"No, you don't"

-  
Patrick's POV

All of last night, Travie and I were up late shopping to decorate Sarah's room. I had asked Hayley what's her favorite color and she just sent back an laughing emoji attached to a photo of her current bedroom. There's no way I can top what Brendon had done so I turn the job over to Pete, who was more than excited to help.

"After I'm finished in here, you'll be begging me to do your room next" he smiled measuring the length and width and the area. Rolling my eyes, I leave him alone and go to my room. Sitting on the bed, I open my laptop typing google into the search bar and clicked on the site. Entering, _fun fall activities for families,_ I scroll down the page until clicking on one that caught my eye.

-

" Papa!" Sarah squealed slowly coming down the stairs. Brendon texted me the address to his house thirty minutes before I came and comes to find out, he lives in the very house Travie and I been admiring. Just like on the outside, the inside is beautiful. The floors are a nice polished Montgomery wood, the walls are a light grey color, there's a brick chimney that would be gorgeous around Christmas time, and the railing the stairs are a slick matte black that ties everything together. The room goes off a homey sensation that I immediately fell in love with the place.

Reaching the bottom of the steps, her tiny legs run over towards me hugging my kneecap.

"You're home!"

Sharing a look between Brendon, the pit in my stomach dropped. As much as I been admiring this house and wanting it to be mines, it will never be my home. At least not with him. In a heartbeat anywhere that Sarah wants me to be, I'll be there in a flash, but this is a destination that I sadly can't go too.

"Sarah honey, what did we talk about?" Brendon said getting down on one knee to meet her level. Her arms squeezed around my leg before answering him. " Papa already have a home," She mumbled.

Looking at him, I feel my heart rip apart. The usual glimmer in his eyes was gone and replaced with deep bags, his hair was wild and pointing in every other direction, and judging by his five o'clock shadow, he hasn't shaved in a while. I wish he could have waited until I was here to have that talk with her but I guess it's best she already knows this.

"It's okay cow, you'll like my home. It's filled with a lot of toys that you can play with." I tell her petting her head.

She pulls away from my leg and looks up at me.

"But home is where Papa and daddy is" she explained bowing her hands. Taken back by her statement, I close my eyes. _Home is where the heart is..._

"So what you have planned for today Pat?" Brendon asked changing the subject rubbing his eyes. Grateful for the action, I list out all the activities I think she would enjoy and a few places for lunch.

"What's OUE skyspace ?" Sarah asked furrowing her eyebrows. Thinking of ways to explaining to her, again I look to Brendon for help who also shares a confused look. _Great_.

" It's this great big slide that goes around this really big building and you can see the whole world" I over exaggerated. Still looking skeptical, she gave me a loopy smile.

"Okay"

-

In pictures the slide looks really cool but once in person, it's actually the most terrifying thing in existence. The slide is located all the way up on the 70th floor and made entirely of glass. The slide itself seems very deep and slick, that you need to go down it on a mat.

"Umm, second thought maybe we should go to the petting zoo," I say feeling intimidated by the object. We have been standing in line for ten minutes waiting to go down the slide and Sarah and I are exhibiting different emotions. She's bouncing around with excitement while I'm standing as still as I possibly can.

"But papa, I wanna go slide!" she beamed pointing at it. The people around us heard our bickering and begin chanting at us.

"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" could be heard from up and down the line. Even a hand full people took out their phones to record everything.

Pulling me over to the entrance, the worker sits me down placing Sarah on my lap. Counted down from five, she pushes us through the tunnel. Sarah loud giggles fill my ears as I make the mistake of looking down through the glass at the city below me. _That's a_ long _way down_.

Not even ten seconds later the ride ended with us crashing on a soft cushion. Rolling over to the side, I kiss the ground repeatedly never to take it for granted again.

"Again!" she jumped, speaking before thinking, I yell out no. Some kids behind us start to laugh and I couldn't care less. "Let's go look at all the city buildings." Getting up from the ground, I carry her on my hip over to the balcony. The LA afternoon traffic could be seen for miles. The October breeze comes sweeping in, blowing some of the loose strands from Sarah's ponytail in my face. At this moment everything just feels right. Here I am standing on top of the world holding my daughter looking into it. For the first time in a long time, I can tell everything is going to be okay. Everything that I could ever want in life is slowly falling into place with each other. Travie and I might make things official, my solo album is coming along greatly, I finally got to reunite with my moo moo after that whole conflict, and lastly, Brendon and I are making amends. Nothing can go wrong.

"Excuse but can I get a photo with you and Sarah?" a girl wearing a Fall Out Boy t-shirt asked. Smiling, I turned around and faced the camera. Probably use to Brendon and the others pointing a camera in her face, Sarah smiled as big as she could showing all her teeth including her gums.

"Thank you so much and oh my goodness you're so much cuter in person!" the fan gushed reaching out to play with Sarah's hand. Allowing it, she lays her head on my chest.

" Hi" the fan spoke in a whisper. Sarah wiggled her fingers waving to the girl. Soon more fans came delaying us from the rest of our activities.

-

Brendon POV

Why can't I do nothing right? It's always me who messes up everything, it's always me who gets their heart broken and dumped, and it's always me who gets left alone.

Last night Dallon called it quits on our relationship saying we need space apart to figure things out and I disagree with him. I don't need space, I need the opposite of space, I need closure. I just want to be held and cared for. Everyone always leaves me. Patrick, Dallon, Ryan, Jon, my parents, hell even my own sister left me.

I feel as if I'm drowning while standing on dry land begging for help in the middle of Time's Square. Isolated.

"Brendon, can you open the door?"

"Leave me alone"

"Want me to knock this door down?"

" Do it and you're fixing it"

Pulling the covers over my head, I continue to cry. The knocks on my door kept coming but I didn't have the energy to go open it.

A loud bang echoed across the room causing me to poke my head back out into the open air.

Again the noise was made, then again, and again. Finally, the door to my bedroom popped open sending Joe and Pete falling to the ground, and Gabe walking in.

"Get out," I said muffling my voice into a pillow. The bed sunk next to me and a hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Come B, I haven't seen you this depressed since _you know_..." Pete said softly. The last time I was like this was when Sarah was in the hospital and Patrick had dumped me. For weeks, I stayed in that horrid place, watching Doctors and nurses poke my little girl with needles. Having to see her tangled in so many wires, covered with red patches all over her body, and the worst of it all, being completely useless when she stopped breathing for a minute in a half. Not once during those two weeks was I allowed to hold or touch her. I was alone and turns out I still am.

" He left me"  
"He left me because of Patrick," I cried. My body began to shake at an unhealthy pace causing several more hands to latch onto me.

"What you mean because of Patrick?" I heard Gabe asked from over my shoulder, no doubt going through my closet. 

Rolling over, I stare up at the ceiling. A new wave of tears crashed over me as I retell every bit of information that has happened since yesterday leading up to now. 

"So, do you still have feelings for him?" Joe hesitated. Pondering in thought, I think back to every memory Patrick and I shared/ created. Although we ended on bad terms, I still find myself wanting to call or text him everytime something amazing happens. Just hearing his voice has my stomach releasing butterflies. He was my first true love and always will be but what he did was unforgivable. I needed him and left me. But, I need to move on from that yet it's so hard too. I thought after all this time I finally got over him but seeing him again changed it all. Ugh, I need to stop. I'm just confusing myself. 

" I don't know." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had accidentally deleted this whole chapter and re-write everything.


	9. Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for all the grammar errors and more. I been sick for going on a week now and I really wanted to post something for you all.

 

Brendon P.O.V

" Trick treat" I heard Sarah say for the tenth time this evening. The elderly lady gushed at her adorableness and dropped a few pieces of candy in her bucket. Thanking her, she comes running back to our little group onto the next house.

Earlier everyone had came by to get their share of pictures and more of Sarah and even some videos of her acting out her costume. Watching from the sidelines was me, Pete, Andy, Josh, Tyler, Hayley, and Patrick while Jenna went up to the heavily decorated house with Sarah along Frank and Gerard with Bandit despite her not being old enough to even eat the given sweets **.**

This year since Sarah wanted to be a vampire because of the video Hayley had let her watch and me being the overly charming dad I am, Sarah and I dressed as the power duo from Sesame Street. Count Von Count and Ernie. I tried to talk Pete into being Bert but he got offended because of his unibrow so Jenna gratefully volunteered. When Patrick arrived also dressed as a vampire in an attempt to match her had it made me remember the old days when we use to do the same. During our time together we dressed as Peter Pan (Patrick) and his shadow (me), Barnacle Boy (Patrick) and Mermaid Man (me), and our last costume together was Cameron Frye (Patrick) and Ferris Bueller (me). We always made it our goal to be that obnoxiously cute couple and for the past two years, I missed us being that. Standing here tonight next to him while watching over our daughter not only makes me happy but makes we think what could have been **.**

" Daddy I got a toofbrush", she frowned taking the item out her bucket. Hearing the others laugh behind men, I bend down to her level and use my fingers to turn her frown upside down. 

" We can use it to brush Penny's teeth how about that?" I asked looking into her eyes. Smiling she also started laughing and waved her hand in front of her nose.

"Penny mouth smelly" she giggled. Laughing along with her, I take her free hand and together we move onto the next house.

Breaking free from my grip, she runs over to Jenna so they both can go knock on the door **.**

" She's just too adorable," a voice said from next to me. Looking to my right Patrick stood there looking at her with so much love and adoration that I found myself looking at him the same way.  " She's beginning to act more like you every day.." he mumbled and if I wasn't fixated on how the light from the house made his face radiate then I probably would have missed it.

Thinking about her behavior, I do agree with him but to a certain extent. She's loud and very energetic, her stomach is pretty much a bottomless pit, her love for Disney movies is up to par, and so many more characteristics that I possess. Yet, I also see so much of him in her that I occasionally cry myself to sleep because I would sometimes miss him and when things would get so difficult with her all I would want is him. Similar to him she's demanding, see's the bright side to everything, always smiling, never sad for long, and forever singing a song or tone. She's like the perfect combination of us both and it shows the highest whenever she's around the other.

Feeling the wind pick up some, I tell the group that this should be our last house before heading home. A small complaint comes from Sarah but with the promise of chicken nuggets, her objections stop.

Running away towards the house I can hear her say in the distance, "Trick Treat".

 

When returning home, I carried Sarah upstairs for her bath. On the way here she kept scratching her arms. Thinking it might be a flare-up with her eczema, Patrick and I both rushed to her side to prevent herself from bleeding. He traded seats in the car with Hayley and rubbed her arms with the spare bottle of topical steroids I keep in the middle department along with some mittens. Going slightly ahead of the speed limit, I race us all home so I can quickly wash her.

" Daddy my body hot," Sarah whined while I bathe her. Handing me a thermometer, Pat got on his knees beside me and started wetting her hair. Placing the stick under her tongue I put my hand against her forehead.

"She's burning up," I told him. Grabbing another washrag from the rack, I dampen it with cold water to lay against her head.

" What's her temperature?" 

Peeking at the thermometer the little digits on the screen reads 102.5. Shit, she has a fever. Not even a second later the stick beeps and the final number reads 102.6 which is definitely not good. Showing him what it says we both share a worried look. She's .3 ahead of normal temperature due to her fever plus she's having a flare up because of the sweat. 

"Should we take her to the hospital?" he questioned. Shaking my head, I continue on the process of washing her hair. Letting her play with her water toys for a little bit more I leave him and her in the bathroom together to go downstairs. 

Everyone sat in the living room sorting through the candy we got tonight inspecting it for any tampering. Settling next to Jenna, I lay my head on her shoulder. Laying her's on mine she fiddle with my fingers. 

"How's cow?" Hearing her name the attention of everyone was focused on me. 

"She's running a fever and  it's only going to get worse because she's going to develop patches overnight probably." 

The look on everyone's face showed sympathy and all at once they asked if there's anything they could do to help. Shaking my head, I feel the back of my eyes beginning to burn. This is the first time she's been sick in a long time and I'm going to be here alone. 

"Hey hey, why the sad look? Is there something your not telling us?" She softly asked and not wanting to seem like a child for being afraid to stay with my sick daughter alone with no help, I squeezed my eyes shut. 

"Brendon are you okay?" I heard Pete asked. Swallowing down my tears, I reopened my eyes and gave him a small smile. 

" Just tired is all. Anyone hungry? I promised Cow chicken nuggets and I can make rice cakes for you Frank if you want." I asked standing from my spot on the ground and walking into the kitchen. Hearing him say thanks, I start to lay out all the stuff necessary for me to cook. 

-

A loud cry wakes me from my sleep. Quickly I rush into her room to comfort her.

"Shhh, what's wrong baby?" I asked softly pulling her in my arms. Feeling the rough patches on her elbow I gently pat on them to keep her from scratching them. Looking at her face I see her hair is matted onto her forehead which is covered in sweat. 

"Daddy" she cried.  Holding her hands in one of mines, I reach over to her bedside table for the thermometer. Taking the opportunity that her mouth was wide open and not having to force the stick in her mouth, I easily place the item under her tongue. "Sarah, baby I need you to close your mouth for daddy." Refusing too she just cries even louder. Not knowing what to do I start to panic. Sitting her upright in my arms I try my attempt again to place the thermometer in her mouth. 

"STOP" she yelled beginning to kick her legs. The door to her room creaked and a small but audible voice made it's way to my ears over her crying. 

" Cow baby is everything okay?" Jenna said coming towards the bed and squatting down to her level. Trying to leap out my arms I tighten my grip around her. 

" I think her fever increased" I feared. Trying to calm her, I once again put the thermometer in her mouth. It took some time maybe four or seven minutes but Jenna finally got her to stop crying and finally to close her mouth. Still, her body shook and judging by the dried blood on the crook of her neck and arms her body is desperate to be itched. Struggling to break free from my grasp Jenna look at her temperature and analyzing the look on her face I already know it's not good. 

"105.3" Cursing under my breath, I get up from the bed with Sarah still in my arms and head downstairs to the kitchen. The sound of footsteps follows closely behind me as I walk into the kitchen to grab Sarah's multiple ice packets. The clock on the wall says its nearing four in the morning so her pediatrician won't be open for another four hours. 

Giving her off to Jenna, I begin tying the ice packets around her arms and neck to cool the burning. Instead of putting some around her legs, I use one of them to loosely tie it around her forehead in hope of bringing her fever down. 

" I think we should take her to the hospital," She said once cow started crying again. Bouncing her in her arms I start to think of ways to break her cold. Leaving the kitchen, I run to towards her downstairs playroom and grab one of her fuzzy blankets and stuffed giraffe. Then I head to the restroom for dig inside the medicine cabinet for anything that might help her. Finding the Zarbee's bottle, I run back to the kitchen to wrap her in the cloth and give her the cap full of liquid. To steady her head from refusing the medicine, I gently but sternly hold her jaw apart to slip the liquid down. 

"We gotta settle her down before she throws it up," I tell her. Moving her into the living room we lay her on her side on the couch. Turning on the television one of her favorite cartoons was playing. " Look Sarah Spongebob is on." 

Raising her head from the cushion, she stares at the moving screen. Her cries come to a minimal but her bottom lips still continued to shiver.

"Papa" I hear her mumble and before I know it she's crying again. 

Patrick POV

It was around midnight when everyone left Brendon's place. After putting cow down for the night, all the adults said their goodbyes and went separate ways. I debated whether to go to Travie's house or mine but seeing the time and knowing that he's asleep, I just went to my place. 

When I first walk through the door I noticed how quiet it is. The quietness never bothered me before but after this past couple of days with my little one running around, I hate the deafening tone.  Every little reminder that I walk by on my way to my room adds a little tiny piece of pain to my chest. 

Turning on my bedroom light I'm met with all the colorful drawings that Srah threw all around. Picking up the closest one near me, I flip the paper over to see a portrait of our little family. Brendon, Sarah, and me. Smiling, I go around the room picking every piece off the ground to put in a neat pile. The sound of Frank Sinatra blurs throughout the room startling me a little. Digging in my back pocket, I pull my phone out to reveal Brendon's smiling face from when we had first met.

Answering the phone I'm met with loud chaos from his end. Immediately I know somethings not right.

"Brendon?" I ask already exiting my room to go retrieve my keys. In the background I can hear Sarah crying. Hanging up, I grab my keys from the isle tray and sprint outside to my car. Nothing didn't seem to matter to me at this moment such as speed limits or stop signs. The distance from my house to Brendon's is roughly twenty minutes or so but if I'm determined enough, which I am, I can get there in ten. Swirving around cars and bike cyclist, I turn down his street. His house is the only one with all its lights on thus adding a dash of brightness to the outside. Parking my car, I hurried over to the door rapidly banging my fist against the wood. 

From the outside, I can hear Sarah crying as if she's right here in front of me. Panic fills my system as I continue to bang on the door in hopes of him being able to hear me over her. 

"BRENDON!" I yelled. Sighing I take my phone out to call him. The line rings several times before he answers. 

"Brendon open this freaking door right now!" I ordered. Not a second later the door opens but instead of his warm chocolate eyes looking at me its sparkling blue. Taking my hands in hers, she pushes me towards the earsplitting noise. 

Thrashing around on the couch is my sweet moo moo who is covered in clothed ice packs.  Immediately I dart to her side taking hold of her hand.

" Papa's here baby what's wrong." Her thrashing comes to a stop as she tries to fling herself on me. Catching her I notice how much warmer she is. Clinging to my shirt I hear her faintly say the word hot. Leaning back, I cover her small figure with my arms. 

" What's going on? Why she stop cry-" Brendon stopped mid-way through his sentence when he saw me. Crossing his way to me, he throw his arms around us both crying himself. 

- 

Once it had hit eight o'clock we all sped into the inner city to go to Sarah's pediatrician. While Brendon signs her in, Jenna and I find a few sits in the back corner with Sarah. For the first time in two hours she managed to fall asleep. Worrying that she was going to make her self even sicker we tried many methods to put her down. We couldn't give her any more cough syrup for another four hours so we were at a dead end. Brainstorming, an idea pops into my head. Instructing Jenna to grab my keys, we drove circles around the block praying that it would do the job. Another blessing to be counted for. 

Joining us, I watch as he runs his hands over his face. Knowing how scary this must be for him I squeeze his knee. From what Pete had told me, after the hospital incident back to when she was just nine months old he has been extra cautious trying to avoid going back to that situation. Flashbacks from that day run through my mind. _I could have waited for another hour or day maybe_. He needed and I turned my back on him. I turned my back on her. 

This time is going to be different. I'm not going anywhere. Nothing can keep me away from my family again. 

"Urie?" A voice called. Standing from our seats we all made our way to the doctor. Taking us in the back room, we all watch as he weights her and takes her measurements. She comes out to be 30.7lbs and 36.8 inches. Leading us to a mustard yellow colored room, he the doctor tells us to take a seat. 

"Hello my name is Dr. Iwata, what seems to be the problem?" He asked. Taking the time to explain her symptoms and behavior from yesterday to this morning, the doctor writes down every little detail. Checking her temperature, he writes down more stuff on his notepad.

" And these patches came from her eczema, correct? Well, it seems she may have caught onto a small virus that's been making its way around town. I recommend keeping her hydrated with water based liquids. As for food try to keep things light. Like start off with applesauce then move onto things such as whole foods. If the food starts to rapidly leave from either end of her body probably try to give her Pediasure." The doctor concluded after answering all of our questions. He told us if her fever hasn't broken in the next forty-eight hours then to take her to the hospital immediately. Hearing that word, Brendon squeeze my hand lightly.

Lifting her off the table, Jenna volunteers to drive us all back home seeing that we both are in no shape to drive. 

"Thank you" I hear Brendon say from under his breath. Turning to look at him I give him a confused look. 

"Thanks for what?" 

" For not leaving us. She really needed you and you stayed this time." 

Rubbing my finger against his I smile. Yes, last night and this morning was pure chaos but I would go through it all again just to be with the two people whom I love. I love Sarah so much that there are not even enough words in the Oxford dictionary to express it and so goes for Brendon. For nearly four years I spent every waking moment with this man and when Sarah came into our lives it changed him for the better. He's no longer the small shy teenager who rewarded himself with the nickname BBU, baby boy Urie but he's now molded into a full adult who takes on the responsibility of raising a two year old toddler. This is not the boy that I broke up with all those years ago but the man I always wanted to see in him. 

" I'll always be right here"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny story, I took my step-brother trick or treating and someone gave him a slice of cheese XD.   
> Anywho sorry if it seems that I haven't updated in a while but college has been getting on my nerves but I haven't forgotten about you all. Plus I started writing a new Brentrick story that I'm SO excited about. I'm debating if it should be just one long chapter or multiple.


	10. She lives in her word, so unaware

Brendon POV

 _Whoa oh_ _oh_ _oh_ _oh_ _, Mona Lisa_    
_You're guaranteed to run this town_    
_Whoa oh_ _oh_ _oh_ _oh_ _, Mona Lisa_    
_I'd pay to see you frown_

I smiled as I watched Sarah danced around the room with her tiny arms raised above her head. A process I came up with when she first started walking was playing her any new song I came up with to decide if it's good or not. If she dances to it then it's a go. If she doesn't then it needs work. 

She has no problem voicing her opinion on songs and will tell you if the song sucks with no hesitation. When Mikey and Gerard had came over with baby Bandit one day to pick up some baby clothes, Gerard wanted my opinion on a song they were working on. I thought the song was fantastic but Sarah thought otherwise. She said the music was boring and she can't be like Hayley and dance to it. Gerard nearly had an heart attack when he heard that, so for three days I had to take Sarah to the studio just so she could criticize them. Let's just say that DESTROYA now has her approval. 

The song comes to an end and so does her dancing. 

" Do you like it?" I ask swiveling around in my chair ready to write down any notes she might have. 

"Me like it" I hear her giggle from behind me. Turning back around Patrick is there next to her on the ground along with Penny. Sarah on her back while Penny is licking her face and Patrick just recording the whole thing. 

"I like it also. Is it for the new album?" he asked not looking away from his phone. 

Smiling I just nod my head and join them down on the hardwood floor. When Patrick had smiled back my pulse begin to quicken. It's been a week since Sarah been sick and not once has Patrick left her side. He always been the first one to go comfort her in the middle of the night when she wakes up crying, always the one to go change her diaper, feed her, bathe her, and more. I know he's just being a good parent towards her but I see it as something more. I see it as him being true to his word of him never leaving us again, of him showing that he's committed to our family. And each day that passes by with him here the more I start to realize that Dallon was right. I still do have my feelings for him and they’re much bigger than what I thought they was.

"Papa like song too daddy" Sarah smiled after successfully getting Penny off her chest. Rolling over she crawls into my lap and rests her head against me. 

For some time we stayed on the ground just listening to random music until Sarah fell asleep. Carrying her to her room I gently lay her in her bed and tuck her stuff cow under her arm. Silently closing the bedroom door, I join Patrick and Jenna downstairs in the kitchen for a drink. 

"I heard Oriel is like super romantic plus the waiters speak French which I think is so cute," I heard Jenna say when I walked into the room. When entering I see her standing behind the kitchen island holding a glass of white wine in one hand and her phone in the other. Candid moments like this I can't help but to stare at her. Her long blonde hair is tied up into a messy bun, her perfectly yellow manicured nails are wrapped gently around the wine glass, despite us almost but not really being the same height my medium size t-shirt fits her like a dress, the way her eyes dances underneath the lamp can almost certainly blind anyone and god, the way her voice flows through the air like silk is beyond beautiful. Overall Jenna is just breathtaking and whoever gets to marry her is truly the luckiest guy in this whole world. I can see why she was Kara’s best friend. She’s everything you could ever ask for. 

Pouring me a glass I survey the area around us. There not a single dirty spot in sight. With the three of us being here twenty-four seven there was really no excuse to have the house a mess. I stay with Sarah during the morning, Jenna stay with her in the afternoon and evening so that leaves Patrick to stay with her during the night. When one is us with her the other two cleans the house or in Patrick and I’s stance, work on our albums. 

 Taking the empty seat next to Patrick, I frown when I notice he's not drinking. A small piece of me understand being that it's only three in the afternoon but still, we usually take this opportunity to relax and unwind. 

“Are we going to try to go out for dinner tonight?” I asked sipping some on my wine. 

" Actually, Patrick here was telling me about his date tonight, so I was just suggesting some places," she said wiggling her eyebrows at me. Displaying a confused and surprised look, I turn my head to take a glimpse of him and he's blushing red like a giant tomato. 

" She's making it a bigger deal than what it is." He waved off smiling slightly. 

" _She's making it a bigger deal than what it is_ my butt! You asked for a romantic place for dinner. Not calm, not lowkey, but _romantic_. You're right this isn't a big deal, it's a huge one." She babbled swinging her right hand a little too fast causing some wine to spill from her glass. 

From many late-night drinking sessions, it didn’t take me long to figure out that Jenna is a light weight when it comes to her alcohol. At most she can probably have two drinks before being identified as drunk and judging by the way her words are starting to slur together, she’s not far from it. 

Knowing what's best for her, I bring the bottle of Pinot Gris closer towards Patrick and I so it's out of her grasp. She sticks her tongue out at us both but makes no attempt at reaching for it. 

"All I'm saying is that you don't need to hide anything from us, Pat. We're all friends here. I basically know you both like the back of my hand," she continued to slur. 

Glancing at us both, the pink returns to his cheeks and even spread to the tip of his nose. 

"I'm planning on asking Travie will he move in with me. We been dating for a while now and I think I’m ready for us to start committing to each other," he smiled. The sound of choking echoed throughout the room followed by the noise of gasping. I rushed over to Jenna side and started patting her on her back while Patrick took the glass from her hand and replaced it with a bottle of water. Together we soothed our friend until she was stable enough to breathe regularly. 

" Wait, who's Travie I thou-" she was cut off by another round of coughing. This time we sat her down at one of the many bar stools around the island and watched her as she tried to continue her sentence. 

" I haven't told you guys about Travie? Brendon you know him. Travie McCoy? We've been dating for about a year and a half now and he's the most amazing person I've ever met." he gushed. Hearing the way he talks about him puts an uneasy feeling in my stomach. If it was any more possible, his smile got even bigger. He talks with such enthusiasm and cheerfulness that the more he rambles on the more I begin to dislike him for being so cute. 

I only met Travie a hand full of times and during every encounter, he's been nothing but nice. He’s very open minded, always walking around with a dopey grin on his face that you couldn't help but grin also. Hell, even Pete likes him and that’s saying a lot. I overheard him asking if he would be the godfather to his firstborn, yea that’s how I found out Pete and Mikey were trying to conceive children. Pete and I haven’t been friends for long, but I know without a doubt we been friends much longer and for him to ask Travie such an important question really hurt me feelings. Maybe I’m just being delusional but it seems as if he’s slowly taking the life I’m supposed to be living. 

I seriously didn't expect Patrick to remain single but it's the fact that he's been dating Travie this whole time without mentioning it makes me wonder what else he's hiding. Is his name even Patrick?

 I should have known the two had something going on from that day on set at the Open Happiness video shoot. Giving each other secret glances, the unnecessary touches of the shoulders, and even the fact they carpooled together should have been the warning sign to me that the love of my life found love with someone else. Now he's going to ask him will he move in with him. Then next thing you know it they're going to get a pet together, then get married, then a house of their own, then they're going to start a family and nowhere within that would he have enough time for Sarah and I. Sarah's going to lose her papa and it will be all my fault. If I would have never treated him the way I did two years ago maybe we would have been past this milestone and onto the next one, marriage. I already had everything planned out for us. From the ring down to how I wanted to propose. The ring was going to be made entirely out of platinum with a single diamond embedded in it. I wanted us to get engaged in front of all our fans singing along to _I can't help falling in love with you_ to him. I was going to get down on one knee while singing that final line and hold open that black velvet box looking up into those blue eyes with the yellow ring around them. We were supposed to be happy. Have a biological child of our own but I messed it up between us. I let the words of my mother affect me and ruin our relationship. We will never be happy together because he wants to be happy with Travie and not me. Everything we was working towards has completely vanished. 

" Is it that much of a surprise that I have a boyfriend to make Jenna choke and you to blank out." Patrick laughed when he noticed that I came out from my trance. Playing along with him, I too start to laugh. Not because anything was funny but for all the negative thoughts running in my head. 

-

He left. He just packed up his stuff and walked right out that door not once looking back. For one week everything was bliss. We were two parents coming together to take care of our sick daughter, but I ignore the fact he was only here for that reason. He had a life before she caught a virus and now that it’s gone he can resume back to it. 

As soon as the front door closed from downstairs I broke down crying. This is like the hospital all over again. Just when I think everything was going fine he drops a bomb on top of me. He gives the impression that everything is fine but he goes and vanishes. Yes, this time is different because it’s not life or death but my brain nor heart won’t allow me to get over it. That day will forever haunt me in fear that I will forever be alone and that Sarah will always remain in that bassinet. And during this past week he made me forget about everything. He made me forget that day, he made me forget about those ninety seconds when I lost everything, he made me forget about those endless nights of Sarah and I crying together, he made me forget everything and maybe I should start to forget about him. Start letting him go. 

Opening the drawer to my desk, I take out a pen and paper and start writing.

 

_“For_ _my inspiration, Patrick_

_Loving you was never hard_ _but yet_ _it wasn't easy._ _Sure,_ _you had your flaws and at times you could be annoying but those are some of the things I love about you. You're unapologetic about yourself and that's what captivating_ _about you. I love everything about you and yet I continue doing so even after you broke my heart._

_You taught me everything I needed to know about love. How to build it and grow it. You taught me not every relationship is fifty_ _fifty_ _but could be forty and sixty or eighty and twenty. That there's no such thing as a perfect balance in a relationship just full commitment. You helped me come to terms with myself. You stood by my when things were going rough. You were helping me grow more room to love you._

_Not every couple are perfect. We were far from it. We were constantly fighting, yelling, and even took a_ _two-week_ _break. I still loved you. When my mother threatened to disown me for loving a male, I still loved you. When our friends thought it wouldn't be best for us date, I still loved you. No one wanted us together and we took that as motivation to fix our problems and prove them wrong. I stood up to my mother, I stood up to our friends, I even stood up to our fans against those who sent you hate, and I loved you even more._

_We were happy. We were in love but slowly things did start to change. The world around us got_ _more clever_ _and were determined to separate us. They succeeded. I neglected you. Took you for granted and you left. You left with the growth of the love we were building and now you're decided to give it to someone else._

_I'm always going to have a soft spot for you no matter how things ended between us. No this is not how I picture our futures living two separate lives but together we are forever bonded with our daughter._

_Sometimes I wish I could forget about_ _you_ _but I like I said, you were my first love and I can't. I love you so much too. No one can compare you and nor will anyone ever. I will love you Patrick. I love you beyond this world and more._ _So,_ _it's hard for me to say that I'm giving up on you. Giving up on us ever being together again because it wouldn't be fair to him or to you. You deserve so much better than me and he can give you that._

_I wish you nothing but love and happiness. I hope he gives you everything you ever wanted and more. I will forever cherish our time together and the memories. You will always be Sarah's Papa and my sweet Pattycakes._

_\- Sincerely Brendon_ _”_

 

Wiping the tears off my face, I fold the paper into three and place it into a blank white envelope. This is good. It’s time for me to move on and forget about this fantasy between him and me. 

Signing the back of it, I stand from my seat and go into the spare guest room where I know Jenna lays. 

Laying the envelope on the pillow next to her I exit out the room and into my room. 

Sitting on the edge of my bed I pull out my phone and call the only person I know who would get Patrick off my mind.

“Hey Dallon”


End file.
